Christmas

Well, Christmas has passed, and everyone had a good time.  We stuffed ourselves with turkey & dressing, the kids got the toys they wanted, and Athena and I even had enough money to get each other a few much-appreciated gifts.

I love Christmas, even though I am not a Christian.  It is such a season of happiness and fun.  Stressful, too, but worth it for me.  The whole season is layered with so many centuries of tradition and belief, stretching back beyond memory.  I love the wonderful secular mythology of Santa created by the Rankin-Bass stop-action animated movies (Santa Claus is Coming to Town, Rudolph, etc).  It is only the latest layer of mythology added to this mountain; on top of the Christian festival of the birth of the savior, pre-Christian German tree worship, the winter solstice, the Yule Log, and on and on.

When much of our city lost power, (our neighborhood was out for 5 days), I became intensly aware of the precariousness of human life in the grip of Winter.  There are no streetlights, no microwave, no radio or TV.  Food spoils in a few days.  You are cut off from everone except your close neighbors.  The nights are absolutely black, and freezing cold.  You can see nothing at all.  Without fire, you could not survive a single night.  And all through December, the nights are getting longer and longer, colder and colder.  There is a real primeval fear: what it it keeps getting colder?  How long will our fuel last?  How long will our food last?  We must always live on a knife's edge of survival: if in the fall we did not stock enough food and fuel for the entire winter, we will die.  There is no forgiveness, no second chance.  

Suddenly, there is a miraculous change.  The night, which seemed to be engulfing the world, relents.  There is a little more daylight than there was yesterday.  Tomorrow, there is a little more.  We are saved!  The grip of winter has been broken, and the sun is returning!  We still have months to go before spring, but the tide has turned.  At last, we can look forward with hope instead of fear.

Truly this is the season when hope is born, when the sun (son?) who will save us and gift us with life is reborn.  Once again, in the stately turning of the world, we have been forgiven, and all undeserving we are promised new life.

Power is back on

We have power again!  Yipee!

Ice storm

We have been hit by the big ice storm.  The ice is mostly gone now, but we have not had power for two days. I am really tired of this!

It was painful to see so many trees broken by the ice.  The ice was so thick that it bent some trees right over until the tops touched the ground; others lost many branches.  It seems like more than half of the trees I have seen suffered some major damage.  I went out and gave them what strength I could, but I could not stop the ice and many of the trees I know have suffered greatly.  They all said that endurance was one of their strengths, and that if they could they would make it through.  I spoke with the oak tree in my front yard, which has lost several large branches at the top; if all the top branches are broken, then it may not be able to grow properly again.  It did not seem to be in pain, but it felt very 'diminished'.  

Many of them knew that they may not survive this, and although a bit melancholy they did not seem greatly upset or angry as a person might.  Their thoughts seemed to be on the continuity of life, that there were many trees that survived and that their part may be ending the great play would go on.  It was comforting, I think I was more upset than they were.

Shaman horse

Athena and I went to visit a friend's horses this weekend, so I could talk to them and give them a little Reiki. 
Mo and her husband have four horses.  The first three were normal, easy to talk to, horses.  We had a fun time talking with (and about) them.  The fourth was different.  Daskala is a Medicine Hat horse.

Not really knowing what Medicine Hat meant, I thought "Oh that's nice" and went ahead and tried to contact her.  Nothing.  I tried my spider thread, sent it to connect with her spirit.  Nothing.  It was like there was no one there.  I pushed some Reiki energy, and it just stopped.  Now I knew something was different.  Instead of pushing and probing, I just tried to be receptive; then I knew that Daskala was blocking me completely.  She has a shield around her spirit, a circle of protection that lets nothing pass without her approval.  It was not directed at me, the shield was always there, she never took it down.  I realized that this was not just an ordinary horse, but an adept with a high spiritual awareness.

So I stepped back, and apologized for being rude.  She kindly but firmly said that she would not allow me (or anyone) to connect directly with her spirit.  It was "not safe" to be open, with no protections; she couldn't just let any Tom, Dick or Harry poke into her spirit or read her thoughts!  So I instead spoke to my animal guides, and asked them to help me explain that I just wanted to talk for a few minutes, and meant no harm. 

She acknowleged the tree with respect, but would not talk to it.  Spider she dimissed as uninteresting.  But when my bird guide spoke, it turned out that she has a bird guide too!  Our birds spoke together, and Daskala agreed to speak with me. 

Daskala said that, just as Mo suspected, she was there on a mission.  She is there to help Mo learn something.  She would not say what.  Mo asked could she tell me when?  Will it be soon, or will it be a long time?  Daskala said that it would not be right for her to talk about this.  When the time was right, the lesson would be learned.  Be content with that. 

Daskala is a very strong-minded horse (not stubborn, that is different).   She has a goal, a duty, and she will see it through.  Whether the learning will be easy or hard depends on Mo.  But the lesson WILL be learned!

She reminds me a lot of stories of an Inuit shaman; she will teach you, even if the lesson involves shooting all your relatives and dragging you home :)  Of maybe of a Kung-Fu master, who will whack his student in the head and throw him in the dirt if that will help the lesson hit home.  She has a very strong streak of mischief in her, something of a Trickster. 

I feel privileged to have spoken with Daskala.  Her gifts are far above mine, I am grateful that she shared some of her time with me.  But I don't know that I would want have her choose me as her student :D

Lots of AC practice

 Athena, my wife, has been shopping on the Internet for a new horse a lot lately.  I have been getting a lot of practice with doing quick long-distance AC probes, to see what a horse is like!   It is getting much easier to use a few photos to open up a link quickly and get a reading on what kind of horse it is, what they like and dislike, are they smart or not-so-smart, calm or spooky, etc. 

I quickly found that I don't like using the normal Reiki distance-healing symbol to make the contact.  I find it cumbersome, overly complex, and impossible to memorize.  So instead I have started asking Spider to help, since one of Spider's gifts is communiciation (making connections, bridging gaps).  So I open my gates, raise my energy, then visualize a big spinnerette shooting out a long strand of fine, strong silk from my mind to the heart of the horse in the picture.  I can feel it unwinding through a great distance, and then contact opens just as if the horse was next to me.  

This 'spider-silk' distance connection has become easy to do, and very effective.  And it is much easier than memorizing a long string of Japanese characters that I don't understand anyway!

I find it continually fascinating how much of a strong sense of individuality I get from these quick readings.  Each horse feels like a different person, with attitudes, likes, and responses that may be completely different that another horse who looks very similar.  I don't feel like I am 'planning' or 'projecting' these feelings, otherwise why would the results I get surpise me so often?

Becoming transparent

This is another "meditation" that I use, to get closer to the earth powers.  It also helps calm me after I have watched a scary movie :-P

I sit on the grass outside, and close my eyes.  I open my energy gateways, and try to let the earth energy flow up into me.  It moves up in waves, until it fills me.  I let the energy flow in and out, through me, trying not to shape it or impede it in any way.

I think of the earth's aura: the huge magnetic field that flows outward through its crust and hundeds of miles out into space.  I feel myself as a tiny speck floating in this vibrant energy.  I am at the bottom of a well of light, that flows from the heart of the earth out into space.

I feel the wind blowing past me.  I imagine that I have become transparent, offering no barrier to the wind.  I have melted into the earth's aura, the wind blows through the spot where I am sitting.  The energy of the earth flows freely through me as if I am not there.  I am a part of the earth.  I am as much a part of nature as the grass and stones.  Nothing can harm me, because the earth loves me and protects me.

I can only maintain this feeling for a few moments at a time before returning to myself, but it always leaves me feeling relaxed, calmed, and energized.

Walking in the dark

 This is a "meditation" that I started practicing a few years ago, when I had to walk across a pasture in the dark.

I have very poor night vision.  When I had to walk across a pasture in the dark, I used to try to watch my feet closely to avoid holds, sticks, etc.  But it was too dark to really see, so I was always tripping and stumbling.  The ground never seemed to be where I thought it was.  It was hard to tell where I was going, because I was afraid to look up.

So I have found another approach.  I try to relax and NOT look at my feet.  I look outward at the horizon, without really focusing or trying to see details.  Then I walk forward confidently, trusting that my feet will know where to go without my assistance.  I open myself to the earth energy, and let my awareness flow outward, and just trust that if I need to know about something (a hole, a ditch, etc) then I will know about it at the right time.  This is very difficult for me -- to let go of seeing, of planning and knowing, and just trust that I will not fall.  But the results have been amazing.  I have not tripped ONCE since I started doing this.  I can travel up and down slopes, over ditches, and my feet always seem to know where to go.

A goodbye

I am sorry to report that last Thursday morning, in the first dark of the new moon, my wife's horse passed away.

She had been fighting hard for several months, and I think that she decided that she was done and it was time to move on.  We are grieving, she was a great-hearted lady and we will all miss her greatly.  She was my wife's soul-sister, and I know she will be watching out for her and helping her in the future.

Gifts from Oak

There was a part of my last spirit journey that I had not written down.  Near the end, I looked at the tree's leaves closely, trying to determine exactly what kind of tree it was.  But the leaves flickered and changed shape as a looked, I could not pin it down.  After a moment, the tree chided me and said that the shape of the leaves doesn't really matter.  "Leaves are prayers to the Sun, but acorns are gifts of the Moon.  The morning after a full moon is an excellent time to collect newly dropped acorns.  They will be filled with both the blessings of the Moon and gifts of the tree."

Well, that night had been a full moon, in fact the largest and brightest full moon in several years.  So the next day when I was out at the barn, I remembered and looked over at the oak trees.  As soon as I looked, several acorns dropped to the ground.  I went over and collected a small handful of the freshly fallen ones.  I didn't know what to do with them, so I kept them in a bowl.

Yesterday I saw the bowl, and I immediately knew what to do with them: put them in the ground in a circle around the paddock where my wife's horse is recuperating.  I did that today, placing each one in the ground with a brief wish that they will lend her some of the Oak's gifts: strength, endurance, and the ability to weather a storm without cracking.  (she already has patience and wisdom in plenty :D)

I hope this helps her continue to improve.  Her feet are slowly healing, it is now an endurance match for her to keep strong and positive until she can get back on her feet.

Halloween 2004

There are times and places
where there shadows forth
hints of what is beyond -
   or below -
   or before -

We sometimes catch a glimpse,
a shadowed form,
a scuttling shape -
more often it is a sense of menace, watchfulness -
the cruel will,
of anger or pain,
or just sadness, loss, or loneliness,
sharp enough to pierce the layers of time
that separates then from now.

Moments are meant to be stacked,
one upon the other,
sensible and safe.
Each instant should be solid,
like a window through which you can look
but never touch.

But when the curtain is rent,
the glass shattered,
and something comes through
to touch us with its cold fingers -
we struggle to shut the window again,
to deny that such a breach can happen.

For we know that past and present
are forever separate,
that what is gone
can never come back.

We know this.

Don't we?

A second visit with Spider and Swallow

I went on a short spirit journey again tonight.  It has been a tumultuous week, and I am very tired; but I am going to set down what happened now while it is fresh in my mind.

I used the same technique as before.  The sky this time was cloudy, with ast moving patches of dark clouds.  The light is grayer and dimmer, almost like twilight.  Sometimes I can see the sun, lower in the sky.  Sometimes I see the bright full moon – the silvery light/shadow seems to touch everything.
  

In the clearing is the tree.  It seems larger this time, with a fuller crown.  I embrace it, and thank it for helping me.  I put both hands on the trunk and let the Reiki energy flow in and out.  I feel its goodwill, and know that it is always there with support and strength for me.

I look around.  The Green Master is not in evidence.  After a moment I become aware that the spider is here though.  I see her on a low branch of the tree that extends over the stream.  She appears very clearly, a small black spider walking on the branch.  I ask if she was the spider that walked over my horse’s bandages this morning; she says yes.  She makes no promises of the future, but tells me that she is doing well now, that she is strong, and that what we are doing now is the right course for her at this time.

A moment later I see her walking out over the stream on the branch.  She is carrying a large shining white egg sack.  I am a little concerned, I find egg sacks kind of creepy and worry that a million baby spiders are going to core crawling out (ick!).  The spider tells me not to be silly and calm down.  After a few moments I get control of myself and stop trying to guess/force what is going to happen, and just try to sit back, watch, and learn.  She flicks it into the air over the water, and it releases thousands of tiny white balloonist spiders, floating on tiny gossamer threads into the air.  The breeze takes them out over the grass to the forest, and over the forest.  Many land in the grass or in the trees, several land in my tree.  Once they land, I cannot see them but I know they are there.

These are not her bodily children, this is a lesson she it teaching me.  My first understanding of it is this: the world around me is filled with life.  No matter where I am, there are tiny living things near which share this life with me, and can help me if I ask with an open heart.  I am never alone, never separated from the web of life around me.  I feel there is more for me to learn, but for now I put the image in my heart for later.

Now I look up and the bird is flying down from the tree. He is circling around the trunk and coming down towards me, crying “News!  News!  I have news!”  As he comes close, I ask what news.  He says that he carries news and stories all over the world, from place to place.  Anything he hears he carries to his friends and it spreads outward.  This is what he wants me to know: Any kind word, or generous act, spreads out through the world like ripples on a pond, touching everyone.  This is what ties the world together: kind thoughts and deeds given freely without thought of return.

At this I see the second meaning of the spider’s act.  The tiny children of our spirits, our wishes, hopes, and dreams, must be set free into the world to land where they will.  They must not be held too close, or protected too much, but must be free to travel the wind and make their homes where they will.  If they go freely into the world with our love, then they will freely return that love to us in ever new and surprising ways.

I thank them all very much, what wonderful gifts they have given me today.  I walk back down the path, and awake.

Help from the spider

As I wrote a while ago, the spiders in the barn gave me a symbol/spell to use to help my wife's horse's hooves.  I have used it now a number of times.  I am getting a better understanding of it now, it is definitely a symbol to catch and cast out "bad stuff": diseased tissue, foreign material, infection, etc.  She really needs it, she has subsolar abcesses on both front feet and is sloughing off the soles.  There is probably rotation, but the coffin bone has not emerged through the sole yet (fingers crossed, that would be very bad).  We are working hard now to keep her feet clean and free from infection.  She has to drain off any remaining dead tissue from the abcess and get the exposed sole laminae to harden so she can walk on them before the bone can break through.  She is game for it, and we are all working hard with her!  

Today after cleaning and packing her feet with antibiotics, a small spider appeared on her bandage and ran across it a few times as if checking it out, then into the grass beside her.  I hope this is a sign from Spider that She is helping her, and that she is on the mend.

My first spirit journey

I decide to try a spirit journey, to hopefully meet my spirit guide(s) and/or guardian animal(s).  I am going to use a directed meditation based on one of my Reiki teacher's exercises and some online articles. I am going to float in my bath -- this is my favorite relaxation spot, very private and peaceful. I can float safely there without risk of going under, the tub is not big enough for me to go under without an effort :)  

I turn on some music, light a candle, turn out the lights, and get comfortable. I concentrate on breathing. The warm water and floating feeling is very helpful. I can feel my heartbeat very strongly, resonating through the water and bouncing back to me. The rhythm is steady and gentle; I accept this as my drum. I listen to the beat and let other thoughts drift away, sinking into it.

I am on a beach, a northern ocean beach with sawgrass and tough-looking weeds growing above the tide line. I follow a path up the bank into a forest. The trees are thin and clean limbed, black barked, tall, with leaves only high above. In spite of their somewhat forbidding aspect, I feel that they are friendly. The light filters down in shafts and flickering patches to the ground below. The undergrowth is open and the path is scattered with sand and many small stones of many sizes and colors. I know that these are the gifts of the earth, and show that he supports me in my journey.

I approach a clearing. It feels large, but I am unsure about how big it is. It is open, with thick green grass and a stream running though it. There is a tree in the the middle, next to the stream. The tree is tall, somewhat scraggledy, with a high crown and only a few leafy branches down low. I am pretty sure it is an oak, but sometimes I feel like it is an apple: I think because it reminds me of an apple tree I loved when I was growing up, where I had a tree house. Most people would not look twice at the tree, it is lopsided and not "pretty". But it is vigorous, exuberant, and obviously loves living. As I come up and stand beside it, a small branch comes down and strokes my hair a few times. I feel very welcome, and I sit down against the tree and look at the stream.

I relax, and send out an invitation to my guides to let me see them. I immediately see a figure to my left, standing. He seems to be wrapped in a concealing cloak of white with green & blue highlights. I cannot see his face, it is as if he is veiled with a thick mist that wraps around him. I feel that the veil is in fact my sceptical nature, that does not want to believe in all this; so I do some breathing exercises and try to relax into acceptance and push away my disbelief. After some effort, it works: I see his face. It it pale, and he seems to be crowned in leaves and to have leaves growing from is cheekbones and temples. The leaves are holly-shaped, white, with edges and highlights of green and blue. He laughes, and I feel that this is just an appearance he has chosen, because he know it will be evocative to me, and he enjoys it. ('He' is neither male nor female, or both; it makes as little sense or difference that it would for a tree) We 'speak' a little; he is pleased that I can see him. He says that nearly all people he and his collegues help never become aware of them, but that it is a great pleasure when they do.  The being does not give a name, but when I suggest that I call him Green Master he finds it amusing and accepts the title.

I then ask the Green Master if I could meet some of my guardian animals.  He indicates that I should look to my right.  Just behind me to my right is an animal that I have a lot of trouble perceiving.  It seems to be some kind of insect or spider, I think it is a spider.  Now, I have for many years had a strong fear of spiders!  I have been trying to work through this in the past year or two.  Learing to communicate with them has helped a lot, it is hard to be afraid of someone you know.  The spider spirit beside me seems quiet, helpful and friendly, but I am nervous and I think this is interfering with my ability to see her clearly: sometimes she seems tiny, sometimes as big as a horse, never the same for a moment.  I feel that it is not her, but my fear that is causing this.  We both agree that I need to work on this :D

I then become aware of something fluttering around above my head.  It is a bird, small, about the size of a barn swallow, in constant motion above my head.  I catch flashes of blue, gray, and some orange; kind of like bluebird colors but it is not a bluebird.  He moves like a barn swallow, always swooping and fluttering.  He will not sit still, he seems very excited and happy.  A very bubbly, happy spirit.

I thank them for being there with me, for showing themselves to me, and for helping me.  I ask if there is anything that they would like from me, they both say that they just want me to try and be aware and listen when they have a message for me.  I promise to try and do this.

Now it seems time to return.  I say goodbye to the spider and the bird, and the Green Master, and thank the tree for its support.  I walk back down the path to the sea, gradually waking up.  When I reach the beach, I put down a hand and scoop up some sea water; I feel this as a splash and rush of energy that moves through me and is gone.  Then I open my eyes and wake up.

I am amazed at all this.  Some questions have been answered, and many new possibilities have opened.  The Green Master is my spirit guide for this time, and watching over and protecting me in my life are the spider, the swallow, and the tree.  I could not ask for better.

Help from the Green Man

My wife's horse is doing better, her abscess broke out and drained on Sunday. On Wednesday she had told me that it would break out over the weekend, and she was right :D. The circle of protection helped, I think. I charged it up again several times. It was interesting; from inside I could pour in more energy, but from outside I could not touch the energy, I could only touch the barrier and strengthen it. I left it open at the top and bottom to draw earth-energy and heaven-energy for her. She said that it helped her feel better, especially on Saturday when there was a horse show on the premises and lots of strange people going by.

Also on Friday the spiders I had asked for help suggested a web symbol for her hoof, which I used. I don't know what it did, I don't think there was a lot of power in it, but it was offered with kindness and much appreciated. I think it was intended to help catch and cast out the infected tissue. I used to be very frightened of spiders, but since I started communicating with them my fear is almost gone and I have a lot of respect for them and try to treat them well.

On Monday I had a strange experience.

Monday morning my wife's horse was walking much better, but then she coliced. (Colic is an intense intestinal pain, often caused by a blockage. In horses, it can be deadly). We called the vet and while we were waiting we were madly walking her back and forth (she can't be allowed to roll, she could twist her gut). She was in a lot of pain. I was walking beside her doing all the Reiki I could do. The Cho Ku Rei worked well, I was getting a lot of power, but it wasn't enough. I tried the distance-healing symbol, directing the energy back in time to early in the morning just before the blockage formed; trying to reduce its effects or disrupt the formation so that it would break up more easily in the present. I couldn't quite remember the symbol, but I remembered what it felt like to use it, so I did my best to recreate that and I could feel it working. Within a 30 seconds she had calmed down, and was in much less distress. She was still having discomfort, but not nearly so bad. 

She was worn out, and laid down. This is a danger time, because if she starts to roll she can really hurt herself. I sent out a call for anything that could help her, and on impulse asked for help from the Green Man (which I had been reading about online the day before). The image of the Green Man is one that has always felt significant to me. I immediately felt a very large flux of power coming in from all around, that felt like a green wave. I channeled it into her and she relaxed. It kept flowing for a few minutes and I let it flow into her, and as it tapered off she began to look better. She sat quietly without trying to roll. The vet arrived a few minutes later and gave her a muscle relaxant, and she was soon eating grass and feeling much better.

She is back to normal now (although tired) and the vet says there is no sign of a blockage. She thinks it may have been gas, which can happen when a horse is stressed. That could be (and we are treating her accordingly). But a part of me wonders if sending the energy back in time didn't un-make the blockage? I don't really know what happed, but I am very glad that I could help her. I am especially glad that help came to me when I needed it.

After my Level 2 class

The Reiki level 2 class with was wonderful.  I have been using the symbols with my wife's horse a lot this week; she is in a lot of pain with (I think) a hoof abscess that is trying to break out. The Cho Ku Rei is very effective, and really ramps up the energy level. Yesterday, after settling her in her stall for the night, I tried to lay a ring of protection and healing around the stall and fill it with energy for her – it was a sudden impulse and the symbols to use just came to me and seemed right. Assistance from my guides? That is what it felt like. What an exciting journey! I also asked the moon and several spiders, who were watching, to watch over her and help her.

Starting out

I am starting this new blog to record my thoughts and experiences as I start out in earnest on a new road. In the past couple of years, I have started learning energy healing and animal communication, primarily for working with my wife's horses. I received Reiki level 1 training, and my wife got me a wonderful book "Learning Their Language". Last month I got my Reiki level 2 certification. Experimenting with these techniques, and exploring my own intuitions, led me to the decision to try and open up communication with the "others" that I have at times felt around me, helping me.

These other presences I feel could be spritual guides, guardian spirits, angels, ghosts, dream images from my subconcious, Jungian archetypes, self delusions, I don't know. To a certain extent it doesn't matter: I feel that paying attention to them and trying to learn from them will help me grow personally and spiritually. This journal will record my experiences as I try to do this.

I will set out now. I don't know where the path will lead, but I have miles to go.