Monday, May 25, 2009

Seven selves

Well, I let work and money problems get the better of me and I dropped many things that I shouldn't have -- my relationship, my spirituality, other important parts of my life.  I am working now to bring things back in to balance, to bring to the fore again the important things.

As part of this, I just finished a guided meditation "Into the Labyrinth" from the book Pagan Spirituality by Joyce and River Higginbotham.  In this, I walk a seven-turn labyrinth and meet myself at seven different levels of growth, based on colors of Spiral Dynamics.

At the first turn, I meet a very young boy in Beige.  He is vital and alive and enjoys the feel of earth beneath his feet and blood in his veins.  The special strengths that I gained during this time of my life are strength, health, vitality.  The pleasure of being safe, full, warm, comfortable.

He gives me a handful of soil: rich black loam.  This is my strength, my center, my ground and my home.  It allows me to be centered and grounded anywhere I find myself.

At the next turn, I meet a young boy wearing Purple.  The special strengths that I gained during this time of my life are belonging, control, being part of a family that cares and supports me.  Feeling special and loved.

He gives me an apple.  This is a lopsided, half-green apple, from the wild apple tree where my friends and I had our tree house.  This is the gift that friends give to friends: acceptance, friendship, companionship, the knowlege that I am never alone or abandoned.

At the next turn, I meet the junior-high me, early teens, dressed in Red.  He is full of a sense of rightiousness, and thinks he knows best :)  The special strengths that I gained during this time of my life are the discovery of reading: stories that I can dive into, can drown in; stories that draw your heart from your body. and return it enriched and enobled. 

He gives me a hammer.  This is the ability to build, create, and to repair.  With it I can restore weak or broken ties, strengthen structures, connect things together.  I can heal and fix things.

At the fourth turn, I meet the high-school me, dressed in Blue.  The special strengths that I gained during this time of my life are strength of purpose, confidence to fight for the right, dedication to doing the right thing. 

He gives me a ring with a large blue stone.  It is a shield, to protect me from the anger and demands of others.  This gives me the security to stand up for what is right without fear.

At the next turn, I meet a young man, who looks like my brother who died.  He is smiling a lopsided smile and has a thin beard.    The special strengths that I gained during this time of my life are creativity, independence, the ability to accept many different kinds of people with many different backgrounds and lifestyles.  An adventurous spirit to look beyond what I know.

He gives me a kitten, a small, fluffy, grey kitten with a white breast, who sits on my backpack and looks over my shoulder.  Cats are independent, inscrutable, unaccountable, but we can live together and value each other, even when we don't understand each other.  A relationship can be deep and caring, and benefit us both, even though our purposes and worldviews can be widely different.

Around the last turn, I meet an adult man in Green, smiling, but with bleeding wounds on his breast.  He feels love and kindness towards all people, but suffers with guilt about the injustices and cruelties of the past and feels helpless to heal the wounds of the world.  The special strengths that I gained during this time of my life are empathy, the ability to really put myself in another's place, to see the world and myself as they see it.  This leads to understanding and love.

He gives me a tiny seed.  This is the seed of hope.  He feels that it cannot grow in his turn of the labyrinth, but he knows it will grow where I am heading.

I step out of the labyrinth, and end my meditiation.  At another time, I will revisit this labyrinth and add another turn; I would like to see myself in the Yellow level.  I might look forward into the Turquoise turn, to see if there is any advice there for me: I feel I am in Yellow now but starting the transition to Turquoise.

The book also has urged me to revisit and look for not just the strengths of each level, but the challenges they have placed for me: in addition to abilities and insights, each level has also left me with habits, distortions,  and misperceptions that weaken or impeed my future growth.  I need to know these to be able to move past them.

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