Becoming transparent

This is another "meditation" that I use, to get closer to the earth powers.  It also helps calm me after I have watched a scary movie :-P

I sit on the grass outside, and close my eyes.  I open my energy gateways, and try to let the earth energy flow up into me.  It moves up in waves, until it fills me.  I let the energy flow in and out, through me, trying not to shape it or impede it in any way.

I think of the earth's aura: the huge magnetic field that flows outward through its crust and hundeds of miles out into space.  I feel myself as a tiny speck floating in this vibrant energy.  I am at the bottom of a well of light, that flows from the heart of the earth out into space.

I feel the wind blowing past me.  I imagine that I have become transparent, offering no barrier to the wind.  I have melted into the earth's aura, the wind blows through the spot where I am sitting.  The energy of the earth flows freely through me as if I am not there.  I am a part of the earth.  I am as much a part of nature as the grass and stones.  Nothing can harm me, because the earth loves me and protects me.

I can only maintain this feeling for a few moments at a time before returning to myself, but it always leaves me feeling relaxed, calmed, and energized.

Walking in the dark

 This is a "meditation" that I started practicing a few years ago, when I had to walk across a pasture in the dark.

I have very poor night vision.  When I had to walk across a pasture in the dark, I used to try to watch my feet closely to avoid holds, sticks, etc.  But it was too dark to really see, so I was always tripping and stumbling.  The ground never seemed to be where I thought it was.  It was hard to tell where I was going, because I was afraid to look up.

So I have found another approach.  I try to relax and NOT look at my feet.  I look outward at the horizon, without really focusing or trying to see details.  Then I walk forward confidently, trusting that my feet will know where to go without my assistance.  I open myself to the earth energy, and let my awareness flow outward, and just trust that if I need to know about something (a hole, a ditch, etc) then I will know about it at the right time.  This is very difficult for me -- to let go of seeing, of planning and knowing, and just trust that I will not fall.  But the results have been amazing.  I have not tripped ONCE since I started doing this.  I can travel up and down slopes, over ditches, and my feet always seem to know where to go.

A goodbye

I am sorry to report that last Thursday morning, in the first dark of the new moon, my wife's horse passed away.

She had been fighting hard for several months, and I think that she decided that she was done and it was time to move on.  We are grieving, she was a great-hearted lady and we will all miss her greatly.  She was my wife's soul-sister, and I know she will be watching out for her and helping her in the future.

Gifts from Oak

There was a part of my last spirit journey that I had not written down.  Near the end, I looked at the tree's leaves closely, trying to determine exactly what kind of tree it was.  But the leaves flickered and changed shape as a looked, I could not pin it down.  After a moment, the tree chided me and said that the shape of the leaves doesn't really matter.  "Leaves are prayers to the Sun, but acorns are gifts of the Moon.  The morning after a full moon is an excellent time to collect newly dropped acorns.  They will be filled with both the blessings of the Moon and gifts of the tree."

Well, that night had been a full moon, in fact the largest and brightest full moon in several years.  So the next day when I was out at the barn, I remembered and looked over at the oak trees.  As soon as I looked, several acorns dropped to the ground.  I went over and collected a small handful of the freshly fallen ones.  I didn't know what to do with them, so I kept them in a bowl.

Yesterday I saw the bowl, and I immediately knew what to do with them: put them in the ground in a circle around the paddock where my wife's horse is recuperating.  I did that today, placing each one in the ground with a brief wish that they will lend her some of the Oak's gifts: strength, endurance, and the ability to weather a storm without cracking.  (she already has patience and wisdom in plenty :D)

I hope this helps her continue to improve.  Her feet are slowly healing, it is now an endurance match for her to keep strong and positive until she can get back on her feet.

Halloween 2004

There are times and places
where there shadows forth
hints of what is beyond -
   or below -
   or before -

We sometimes catch a glimpse,
a shadowed form,
a scuttling shape -
more often it is a sense of menace, watchfulness -
the cruel will,
of anger or pain,
or just sadness, loss, or loneliness,
sharp enough to pierce the layers of time
that separates then from now.

Moments are meant to be stacked,
one upon the other,
sensible and safe.
Each instant should be solid,
like a window through which you can look
but never touch.

But when the curtain is rent,
the glass shattered,
and something comes through
to touch us with its cold fingers -
we struggle to shut the window again,
to deny that such a breach can happen.

For we know that past and present
are forever separate,
that what is gone
can never come back.

We know this.

Don't we?

A second visit with Spider and Swallow

I went on a short spirit journey again tonight.  It has been a tumultuous week, and I am very tired; but I am going to set down what happened now while it is fresh in my mind.

I used the same technique as before.  The sky this time was cloudy, with ast moving patches of dark clouds.  The light is grayer and dimmer, almost like twilight.  Sometimes I can see the sun, lower in the sky.  Sometimes I see the bright full moon – the silvery light/shadow seems to touch everything.
  

In the clearing is the tree.  It seems larger this time, with a fuller crown.  I embrace it, and thank it for helping me.  I put both hands on the trunk and let the Reiki energy flow in and out.  I feel its goodwill, and know that it is always there with support and strength for me.

I look around.  The Green Master is not in evidence.  After a moment I become aware that the spider is here though.  I see her on a low branch of the tree that extends over the stream.  She appears very clearly, a small black spider walking on the branch.  I ask if she was the spider that walked over my horse’s bandages this morning; she says yes.  She makes no promises of the future, but tells me that she is doing well now, that she is strong, and that what we are doing now is the right course for her at this time.

A moment later I see her walking out over the stream on the branch.  She is carrying a large shining white egg sack.  I am a little concerned, I find egg sacks kind of creepy and worry that a million baby spiders are going to core crawling out (ick!).  The spider tells me not to be silly and calm down.  After a few moments I get control of myself and stop trying to guess/force what is going to happen, and just try to sit back, watch, and learn.  She flicks it into the air over the water, and it releases thousands of tiny white balloonist spiders, floating on tiny gossamer threads into the air.  The breeze takes them out over the grass to the forest, and over the forest.  Many land in the grass or in the trees, several land in my tree.  Once they land, I cannot see them but I know they are there.

These are not her bodily children, this is a lesson she it teaching me.  My first understanding of it is this: the world around me is filled with life.  No matter where I am, there are tiny living things near which share this life with me, and can help me if I ask with an open heart.  I am never alone, never separated from the web of life around me.  I feel there is more for me to learn, but for now I put the image in my heart for later.

Now I look up and the bird is flying down from the tree. He is circling around the trunk and coming down towards me, crying “News!  News!  I have news!”  As he comes close, I ask what news.  He says that he carries news and stories all over the world, from place to place.  Anything he hears he carries to his friends and it spreads outward.  This is what he wants me to know: Any kind word, or generous act, spreads out through the world like ripples on a pond, touching everyone.  This is what ties the world together: kind thoughts and deeds given freely without thought of return.

At this I see the second meaning of the spider’s act.  The tiny children of our spirits, our wishes, hopes, and dreams, must be set free into the world to land where they will.  They must not be held too close, or protected too much, but must be free to travel the wind and make their homes where they will.  If they go freely into the world with our love, then they will freely return that love to us in ever new and surprising ways.

I thank them all very much, what wonderful gifts they have given me today.  I walk back down the path, and awake.

Help from the spider

As I wrote a while ago, the spiders in the barn gave me a symbol/spell to use to help my wife's horse's hooves.  I have used it now a number of times.  I am getting a better understanding of it now, it is definitely a symbol to catch and cast out "bad stuff": diseased tissue, foreign material, infection, etc.  She really needs it, she has subsolar abcesses on both front feet and is sloughing off the soles.  There is probably rotation, but the coffin bone has not emerged through the sole yet (fingers crossed, that would be very bad).  We are working hard now to keep her feet clean and free from infection.  She has to drain off any remaining dead tissue from the abcess and get the exposed sole laminae to harden so she can walk on them before the bone can break through.  She is game for it, and we are all working hard with her!  

Today after cleaning and packing her feet with antibiotics, a small spider appeared on her bandage and ran across it a few times as if checking it out, then into the grass beside her.  I hope this is a sign from Spider that She is helping her, and that she is on the mend.