The Ancestors Fire Ring

Athena had had a series of dreams about my late dad, and thought that he may have a message for me. So I went on a journey tonight, to talk with my beloved ancestors...

I sat in the back yard on a large stone, and lit some mugwort on a charcoal tablet.  Using my turkey feathers I smoked myself and sang my power song; on the last verse I took flight with the feathers and soared away.

Landing on the shore of the ink-dark sea, in a windy chill night, I walked up the path into the trees.  There were tumbled stones beside the path, looking like the river rocks of Missouri.  As I entered the clearing, I saw the sun and the moon in the sky together, lacing the world with silver and gold beams.  The grass was green, but it was a bit chilly.

I greeted Oak, Swallow, Spider, and Water Drake, and thanked them for their gifts.  I told them I wanted to visit my ancestors, where should I go to do this?  They directed me to a small hillock off to the left, which was crowned with a ring of stones.  The path spiraled up around the hillock to the entrance in the ring.  I walked up and entered the ring of stones.

The ring was not large, maybe 30 ft wide, made of rough stones about shoulder height or smaller.  In the center was a large campfire, with logs and rough benches around it.  There were shadowy presences around it, I could sense that there were many generations of people who frequent this place in many layers of time.

I sat down by the fire and asked if my father would come and talk to me, and if he had a message.  Almost immediately I saw him sitting just to the right of me.  His face was illuminated by the fire light, and he was smiling at me.  He was very clear, just as I knew him for many years.

I told him how much I missed him and how much I loved and appreciated him and what he had taught me throughout me life.  He reached out his hand and we clasped hands, squeezing my hand confidently.  He told me that I would do fine, that I had strength, wisdom, and intelligence to do well and everything would work out for me and my family.  He was confident in me, and took pride in my achievements.  He reiterated that I did not need to worry that things would all work out.

He said he was very proud of my kids.  He would keep an eye on them, but that they really did not need special protection - they are both strong, intelligent, and will be successful.

We hugged, and I felt the strength in him, and it made me feel very happy.  He said that he would be happy to talk anytime I wanted, that he as always there for me.

I then asked if there was anyone else that wanted to talk to me.  I asked if my brother was there, who died years ago.  He was, and appeared nearby.  We spoke only briefly, I told him how much I appreciated his pride and confidence in me when I was growing up, that seeing myself reflected in his eyes is one thing that really helped me become a confident and successful person.

There were others, fading in and out: grandma and grandpa, grandmother, and others I had seen on previous journeys - indian men, an old indian woman, a viking man.  But none appeared for more than a moment.

I took my leave, and walked down the hill.  Thanking my guides, I returned to crystalline darkness of the sea, and flew home on my turkey feathers.

Winter Solstice 2012

Money was tight and December was rushed this year, which paradoxically meant that Solstice was very nice -- just family, quiet, darkness and fire.  We are in our back-woods house with no internet or TV.   I made a big fire in my newly rebuilt firepit.  It is great to be able to have a real, big fire, burning actual logs instead of bits of branches!

The blazing fire of peachwood from our old house and aged oak from our new house was beautiful on the cold night, and drew out Athena and the kids to sit around and talk, and roast marshmallows.  Too much mist and scattered clouds for stargazing, but a gorgeous almost-full moon sporting a huge ring - at least 35 degrees wide, fat and silvery, lasting most of the evening.

Athena sat with me a while, then Aurora came out and talked with me and we shared stories about shamanic journeys.  We played some with the bells and drums, Cercatore and Aurora made smores, and we all sat out for a long time talking and enjoying the fire.

Later, after the others went in, I sat by the fire and beat a steady rhythm with the bells Athena had bought, and drifted into non-ordinary reality.  As I listened to the bells jingle, I started to hear other bells, like harness bells approaching and jingling across the fire.  I could very clearly hear them come close and settle near the fire.  The visitors felt like travelling Sidhe, riding some kind of antlered steeds, attracted by my fire.  I welcomed them to share the fire, and put out some of my snacks and offered them freely to share.  I offered, as my part of the nights tale-telling, for them to watch the spirit journey I was about to undertake.

I  took a journey to find a spirit animal to help me in the coming year.   The seaside was dark and cold, but the sea looked like clear glass and reflected the flames of my fire; as I walked into the woods I could still feel the warmth of the fire.  As I passed the ring of trees and entered the meadow, I could see the sun and moon above bathing everything in light of mingled silver and gold.  Oak and I embraced, and I thanked him for his support and strength.  Spider met me and I thanked her for her gifts and aid in the past year, and I greeted and thanked Barn Swallow.  Then I walked on to the crystalline, tumbling stream and sat beside it, looking across to the edge of the woods beyond, and waited for someone/something to emerge.

After a bit, I could feel something hesitating just beyond sight, unsure if it should appear - apparently because it was not sure I would believe it it.  To try and lure it out, I tried asking it what it was, and tried a number of animals without getting a firm response - some recognition at snake and bird, but still not quite right.  Next I asked about its element; definitely not earth or air, positive response on both water and fire.

It finally crept out from the trees into the stream, and let me see it - it was a water-drake, a small dragon; a creature of fire and water, very snakelike, standing about 3-4 feet on two hind legs.  It said that Water had been a good friend to me and helped me a lot this last year with adaptability and acceptance of change as I moved and started a new job, but that for the challenges in front of me now I will need to add Fire to my gifts.  I thanked it, and admired its beauty; it was sometimes transparent, disappearing into the water, sometimes blue and white, curling its neck.  I could tell it could also breath flame when it needs to!

I look forward to learning more from Water-Drake, and learning to use its gifts.  What a surprising patron!

After returning to my fire, my visitors had moved on.  I doused the fire with many thanks, and left my food as a free gift to any that passed that way, and went inside.

Misty morning

The frost-limned leaves retire
As the mist assumes guardianship of the forest.

In the Forest

At Athena's suggestion, I took a spirit journey last night outside, after dark, at our place way out in the tree-covered hills.

I settled down beside the herb garden we had planted, facing the forest behind the house.  I started the beat with my rattle, and sang my power song.  At first I was rushing and nervous, so I stopped, centered myself, and started over at a steady, slow pace.

As I sang I started to hear noises around and behind me; acorns falling, leaves rustling, branches creaking.  I got the sense that there was some awareness that was waking and approaching me.  My first thought was to throw up barriers, but I didn't want to close out anything that was coming to help or teach.  So again I calmed myself, and asked the land to aid me and keep out anything that meant me ill, but to welcome anything that meant me well.

I heard sounds like something moving through the leaves, and got worried about wild animals; but then I heard our horse wuffle quietly and I knew that if there was a corporeal threat that she would not be so relaxed.  This was a very good exercise in relaxing and trusting in my protections!

I stared down into the trees, as they marched down away from me, filled with mist and shadow.  I called into my mind my seashore with the dark woods above, and the two merged so that I could see the dark and mist wreathing my woods with mystery as I entered and began to climb the narrow twisted path.  

As I climbed, the winds rose a bit in the outside world, and there was some lightening in the distance.  I welcomed the energy, and used it to deepen my trance.

I entered the clearing, and Oak was waiting for me just down the path.  The sun and half moon shown together in the sky, bathing the meadow in mingled silver and gold light.

I embraced Oak and communed briefly, and then asked if he had anything to tell me or show me.  I saw him clothe himself in gold and russet, and some old dead branches fell.  He told me that I should not be afraid of letting go of the parts of my past that are dead or useless, and I should not be reluctant to "change my coat" as the weather changes.  That as the oak changes with the seasons, its core stays strong and green.

Cross the threshold

I took a spirit journey tonight, the first real one in several months.  The last time I tried, I could not keep in the 'trance', I kept popping out of shamanic consciousness and couldn't visualize clearly.  This time I took more time, and also got some lovely nature sounds to play to put me in the right state.

I took a long time on the seashore this time.  The sky was dark twilight, clear and cool, and the ocean was crystalline and dark, like blown glass with a heart of night.  I made my way up the past the tide line, through the saw grass, and onto the path between the trees.

The path was sandy and bare, and the trees were dark with just a few new leaves appearing.  There was little undergrowth.  I slowly walk up the path, to the opening of the clearing.  As I stepped out into the clearing, the sun was shining and warm on my skin, and the lush grass was soft on my feet.  A half moon was in the sky with the sun.  I walked down a little way to the Oak tree, and gave it big hug; the slender branches stroked my back and welcomed me, not caring how long I had been away. 

I thanked Oak for all his help, then turned to my right and greeted Spider (who appeared 5 foot high and shining black).  I carefully embraced Spider (not wanting to hurt her legs) and kissed her on the head, thanking her for all the support that she has given me.  Barn Swallow came down and perched on my shoulder and greeted me, and I thanked her for her gifts and inspiration.

I asked my patrons what I should do next, and they suggested that I walk down to the stream.  I did so, and marveled at the clear, sparking water.  I took a sip of it, which felt cool and sparkling.  I asked if I should run some cards for my upcoming move, using the Celtic tree oracle cards, and they said that would be fine; Oak said he would bless them for me.

I thanked all by friends and walked out of the clearing.  As I walked down the path, it was much sunnier and there were pale wildflowers popping up around the trees, and many new green leaves appeared.  At the sea, I took another sip and felt the ocean's vast calmness there for me if I needed it, then woke up.

I got out the Celtic tree cards and laid out cards in the Three Worlds spread.  This is what I got:

Underworld: deep resources, wisdom from ancestors --
Beech
    Cross the threshold that is challenging you

Middleworld: truth at the core of the matter --
Gooseberry
    Draw on the wisdom of those who have walked the path before you

Upperworld: starry wisdom, clear insight --
Alder
    Defend your territory, and clear the way before you

I read this to mean that we should go ahead with the move, but be sure to have everything in writing and make sure everything is in order before we do it!

Retreat

Yesterday I took a day-long, private retreat on some land that a friend owns.  Except for saying Hi to a neighbor as I came in the night before, I didn't speak to a single person the entire day.  The land has a large, beautiful creek, secluded in trees, that leads back to a larger river that crosses their land; it was a day of nothing but high grasses, old trees, swift clear water, tumbled stones, sun and sky.

I started fasting the night before, and didn't eat anything all Saturday, until breakfast on Sunday.  My goal was to spend a day in contemplation, journeying, and dancing to thank the powers that have guided and aided me during this time of my life, especially Water who had promised to carry me though the turbulent rapids to a safe landing.  In spite of (or perhaps because of) the many setbacks, trials, and tests recently, my new job and location is everything I could have wanted, and will be great foundation for the future of my family.  I just heard that my previous company was just bought out and practically everyone fired, so I got out just in time!  Water told me that the process would not be easy or comfortable, but that he would carry me though if I would put my trust in him.  He was certainly right, and a big part of this retreat was to thank him and honor all my guides.

I left behind all electronic devices and locked my phone in the car, so I had the entire day and the night to follow with no clock, no contact with anyone.  It was a long, slow, but very rewarding day.  The hours seemed endless, without even meals to mark the time.  Most of the day was fine and fair, cool but with a warm sun.  I walked through the grass, waded in the cold clear creek, and spoke with the trees, birds, fish, grasshoppers, tiny frogs, wild turkey, flowers, rocks, and water.  I tried to keep myself halfway in the non-ordinary realm as much as possible, shaking my rattle and occasionally dancing.

I also brought Michael Harner's The Way of the Shaman, a classic work and well worth the reading.  He is a professional anthropologist who has studied shamanism around the world, and has himself become a shaman and worked as a student with master shaman around the world.  He gives good, practical advice for learning shamanic techniques, and also offers insights from many traditions.  He adds good scholarly and psychological perspectives, while validating shamanic reality and experiences and not trying to "explain them away" with psychology.

I sat for a long time on the gravel bar in the river, and journeyed a bit.  I never got deep into the lowerworld, but I did speak with and thank Water for his help.  I think it was too sunny for a deep trance, Harner says the most shamans work primarily at night for this reason.  So the day was more about tuning in to nature and turning off the monkey mind, communing with the beings around me.

Walking in the woods around the creek, I found a nice flat open area screened by brush.  I tried Harner's exercise "Dancing your Animal".  I shook my rattle in a steady beat, and pushed deeper into the lowerworld; then I started dancing (really just shuffling) and invited any animal that wished to come and dance through me.  I felt Spider come (she had been near me all day) and we danced as Spider.  Walking with long legs, with grace and silence; spinning a web; casting threads and pulling them to me; walking the web with confidence and care.  I do see now why traditional dancing takes place on large areas of beaten earth - when you are truly immersed in the dance it is hard to remember to watch your footing :)  This was a very rewarding and enjoyable dance, and I feel closer to Spider that ever, and I think she enjoyed it too.

Part of the time that I was dancing, the Indian I had met before in my journeys, Teacher of Boys to Men, came and danced beside me.  It was very gratifying and inspiring.

Later, after more walking and wading, I asked my guides for a power song.  This is another of Harner's suggestions.  It is a song, usually simple and repetitive, that you sing as you start a journey or other power work, to waken your guides and call them to you.  It also aids you in moving into shamanic consciousness, like the rattle or drum, by preparing your mind and becoming associated subconsciously with the transition.

I was not expecting much with this, I have never had a musical bent and have never invented even a simple tune or song.  So I was surprised when, as soon as I started dancing and beating time with my rattle, words came to me and came out of my mouth with almost no volition.  The words were evocative for me, although the song was not fully formed; I added a bit where it seemed right, and had a full verse in just a moment.  A second verse suggested itself immediately, and I sang that too.  I sang them both for a few minutes, liking them very much but feeling that they weren't powerful enough, they needed something more.  Immediately in my head appeared a third verse, that was even more powerful.  So I ended up (with almost no effort, just as Harner has said) with three verses that as I sing them step the power up 1 - 2 - 3 as they go.  I was singing them to myself in my head, still a bit shy of singing them out loud. even though nobody could hear :).  But there was no tune, it was just a chant.  So I sang them out loud, and a simple tune immediately fitted itself to the words as I sang them, which completed the song.  The tune is very simple, but perfect for humming or whistling as a repeated pattern, which is great for certain stages of power work.  So I advise anyone who tries this, sing it out loud, and proudly!  That is what it is for.

A power song is personal, but not private, so here are the words that came to me:

The Sun is my friend
The Earth is my friend
The Wind is my friend
The Water is my friend
oooo - Ah!
oooo - Ah!
(repeat 4 times)

The Sun is in my heart
The Earth is in my heart
The Wind is in my heart
The Water is in my heart
oooo - Ah!
oooo - Ah!
(repeat 4 times)

My heart is in the Sun
My heart is in the Earth
My heart is in the Wind
My heart is in the Water
oooo - Ah!
oooo - Ah!
(repeat 4 times)

Looking at this song, it reminds me strongly of various American Indian ritual songs, such as the one about the Navaho "Prayer to the Prophet" and the Osage "Rising of the Buffalo Men" http://members.cox.net/academia/songs.html.

During the day I was also gifted with several things.  A lovely feather was laid across the path directly in front of me.  Several nice acorns were left out for me.  A fragment of broken stone called out to me as a symbol of Earth.  My attention was drawn to a nice stone in the creek at one point, which I admired but left there; a few hours later it called out to me more forcefully and said it was offered by Water.  At one point I was admiring a walnut on a walnut tree, when it came off into my hand as a gift.

After receiving the feather and the stone fragment, and some of the acorns, I returned to the camp where I was leaving my things.  I started to set my gifts down so I could go walk so more, but a spider web caught my hand just as I was putting the feather down and pulled it back to my chest; Spider clearly wanted me to keep the feather with me.  So I threaded it on the medallion that Athena gave me, that I always wear when doing shamanic or Reiki work, and wore it all day. 

In the evening, I was thinking of what I wanted to do that night.  I had been considering going to retrieve a power animal for Athena to help with the stress and worry that she has been dealing with, but I was not sure if this was the right thing to do.  So I pulled out the Celtic Tree Oracle cards I had brought, and did the 5-card spread to ask how I could best help her in this time.

The answer was surprisingly clear:
Primary card -
Blackberry: Gather in what is dearest to you
Clarifying cards -
Scots Pine: Seek an overview
Apple: Vision lights the way ahead
Ivy: Strength comes from accepting support
Ash: Strength grows from deep roots

To me this was suprisingly clear: focus on "gathering her in", keeping her close in my heart.  Keep an eye on the long view, and trust our vision of the road ahead.  Give and accept support from her, to help us both, and keep strong the roots of our love.  She doesn't need a power animal to help her though this -- she needs me, and I need her, and together we have the strength and vision to succeed.  This was confirmed later when I tried to make a journey for her, just in case; I was gently but firmly "kicked out" and told that this was not what I needed to do.

As it began to get dark, I took my things to the gravel bar in the river, where I planned to spend the night meditating and journeying.  As I was leaving the camp, I started to get a bit freaked out by the dark under the trees; I could see enough to walk by I knew it would be spooky in the woods.  Just as I was thinking that, I walked into two long strong spider web strands that wrapped around my forehead on over my ears, just like a circlet.  I immediately knew that Spider had provided me protection, that it would make me safe from anything that walked the night.  I felt much better!  I sang my power song as I went through the woods, just to make sure that I was power-full and would be safe from any bad energy.

I sat on the gravel bank on a deck chair as it got dark, with just a small candle burning, and tried to journey.  But I think by this time I was too tired, I could not keep the concentration and kept coming back up.  After a while I accepted this; I had already received so much this day that I was not disappointed.

I watched the stars and the water, talked a bit with Water, and communed with nature as night fell.  It was slightly overcast, so there was enough reflected light around that I could see, especially over the white river rocks.  The clouds thickened, and I felt an occasional soft drop of rain, but not too much.  The water was ink-black and mysterious, shimmering in the dark and talking with a thousand voices.  The birds, crickets, and frogs answered, and the wind whispered over it all.  The rocks spoke as I walked, and listened to it all.

I dozed occasionally, and walked and listened.  Late in the night (maybe after midnight?) the wind picked up and it got much colder, and it started to sprinkle in earnest, and I decided on the better part of valor.  I took the candle (in a perforated ceramic holder) and walked back to the camp.  I spent the rest of the night in the camping trailer, with the heater on :)  The weather forecast had been for clear skies and mid 60s, but it ended up with light rain and mid 40s, so I was very happy to be dry and warm for the rest of the night!

Some things I learned for the future:

1. Don't plan to stay awake and working all night.  I was just too sleepy to focus well during the late night.

2. Starting the fast the night before may not have been a good idea, and maybe a light breakfast would have been good.  I was getting rather fuzzy by nightfall and did not have enough energy to really do as much as I had hoped.  The purpose is not to become weak and drowsy, but just to separate yourself from the needs and physical comforts of the day.  It would be better to have more energy going into the evening, so that the early night time can be used to its best advantage.

3. Plan better for changes in the weather!

I really loved this day of contemplation and listening.  I feel like I got a lot out of it.  I received several wonderful gifts, and I really had time to talk with and thank all my patrons and guides. 

intimations

I think Oak wants to talk, he has been popping up in my mind a lot this past week.  I must make time in the next few days for a spirit journey! 

Circle of healing for T-Man

Athena's horse T-Man is on stall rest now, after getting a cracked pelvis and a big hematoma.  We converted the run-in shed in his pasture into a stall, so he can see his girls and not get too lonely, since he may be there for several months. 

I have been doing Reiki on him every day, to try and help him heal well and faster.  I also put protections on his stall.  I had done something similar with my wife's mare Dear One, when she was doing poorly, with assistance from Spider and Oak.  This was a somewhat different situation, since I was less concerned with keeping out bad influences than in concentrating beneficial ones.  Athena had also gotten me a new rattle, which I used for the first time.  It is a beautiful Raku rattle, with lovely iridescent copper-matte glaze, about the size of my palm.  It is decorated with some tiny colored raku beads strung on rawhide.  It has a rich, soft, earthy sound.

I started at the corner post at the gate entrance, and opened up to the energy, and called for help and assistance from Spider, Oak, Swallow, the Green Man, and any other benevolent forces that could aid me.  The response was positive but sluggish, so I tried using the rattle to aid in the calling, shaking it my hand in three groups of three while calling.  I got a much stronger response, including energy from the Green Man and from the Indian spirit teacher who has danced with me recently.  Together, we sank an energy well at the corner post, and drew up a column of strong, warm energy into the post.  I started around the stall clockwise (sunward), shaking the rattle gently and drawing a thick rope of vibrant energy around to the next post; where we again sank another well, anchoring the rope and starting a new one.  I continued around the stall until I returned to my starting point and anchored it again at the post.  This left the stall guarded by four columns of rich earth-sky energy at the four corners, surrounded by a thick warm circle of energy that draw in blessings and healing power.  I thanked all who helped me, and left knowing that T-Man was well protected.

Nor is aught that goes on two legs...

Christmas morning, I stopped at the oak tree in my front yard, put my hand on the trunk, and wished it Merry Christmas.  It rattled its leaves cheerfully at me and wish me the blessings of the season. :)  I remarked on the unusually warm day, and it said yes, but it won't last!  The next morning it was freezing cold.  Trees are not omnicient, but what they know, they know!

Webs

After my conversation with Oak, I turned and saw Spider. I asked her what she though of what Oak has said about the different ways in which animals and plants relate to the Tao. She said that spiders have a different perspective. Spiders live within the currents of what is, but in an active, not passive fashion. Spiders flow with the Tao, but they also spin webs. The webs stretch across the currents, interacting with the flow but without disrupting it. Spiders never make useless webs. Wherever you see a web, it was put there because a spider knew that some creature's destiny would bring it to that place at the right time for it to die. Webs stretch across the Tao, through space and time, both responding to and revealing its flow to those who can see. Across these unseen connections, the spiders dance.

The view from the trees

Continuing on my spirit journey...

The impetus that I had to make this journey was concern about a news story I heard on the radio, that oak trees across much of North America were not producing acorns this year. Acorn production naturally varies from year to year, sometimes heavy, sometimes light, but always some. But this year huge numbers of trees are producing no acorns at all. What was wrong? I resolved to ask Oak about it.

When I arrived in the clearing, I saw Oak standing tall and full, vibrant and alive; I immediately felt relieved. I expressed my concern to Oak, and asked what was happening? Were the trees dying? Was is global warming, parasites? Is there anything I could do?

Oak told me not to worry. Yes, many trees this year were not producing acorns. This was not something that they chose, nor was it something that they were forced to do: they just perceived that this was the right thing to do right now. This confused me somewhat, so Oak drew me into its awareness, so that I could to some extent see the world the way trees see it.

Trees are intensely bound up with the natural flow of what is, something I can only compare to the Tao. Animals have intentions and make choices, and can act either in harmony or opposition to this flow. Simpler animals generally follow the Tao spontaneously, and live their lives in harmony. More complex animals may act in response to fears or desires that pull them in different ways, and can get out of sync, moving against the flow. Humans are the worst at this, often not even being aware that their choices and actions continually make life more difficult and stressful.

Plants cannot move against the Tao. At each moment, a plant simply does what is right for it to do, without plan or intention. An animal lives within the flow, and can move with or against the flow; but a plant IS the flow. It is a spontaneous expression of what is at each moment, unbent by intentions. Plants do not fear or desire, they simple dwell in awareness of what is, was, and shall be, and their growth and life is a dance expressing this. Only humans ask Why, or If.

Are the trees dying? They don't know, and it doesn't worry them. They know that time flows in ever-repeating cycles, that winter follows summer. Across the rhythm of the seasons there are larger rhythms of growth and waning, and that nothing stays the same, that there will be a time when the trees will wane, just as there is for all things. They will pass when it is right, without fear, whether in a nuclear winter or the slow death of the sun.

Oak did reveal something of what the trees perceive of what will be. They are withholding their acorns this year; the energy and vitality that would normally go out to them is being pulled inward and concentrated. This is building a huge reservoir of energy, which they will use for some important purpose in the near future. The trees don't know what the purpose will be. They just know that when the time is right it will be used, to the benefit of all. I asked for more details, what is this great plan of the trees? What will they do? They don't know. Being trees, they have no plan, no intention, they just perceive that there will be a time soon when they will act.

A gift of names

A spirit journey tonight, after a very full week.  No particular goal in mind, it just felt right to take one.

The Harvest Moon was out, glowing silver.  As I walked through the woods, I worked on opening my heart.  Gradually the woods lightened and I could see green leaves on the trees around; not full light, but it was steady.  I think I am making progress.

In the clearing, the sun was shining.  I walked up to the Oak, and embraced it, thanking it for the strength and help it has given me.  Spider and Swallow appeared also, and I thanked them each for the special help and gifts they have been giving me recently.  My wife struck her head recently and after returning from the hospital I was trying Reiki on it.  I asked Spider to help knit the flesh together again and to help it heal cleanly, and I felt a definite response; I know Athena felt it too because she immediately said "Ow!" :)

Oak said that he was glad to give me his strength; he then leaned down and placed a nut in my hands.  It looked delicious and I ate it.  Then I asked what it was, and Oak said that is was strength for me to have when I needed it.

I walked over to the stream, running swift and clear.  The water tasted cold and wonderful, and I also laved my face and head with it.  It was so refreshing! 

Then I turned to my guides and asked them if there was anything they could tell me.  Spider spoke, saying that I should look around me and see where the threads of my life were, that I needed to stay aware of who and what I had included in my web and to keep them in my heart to stay in balance.  I looked around and there were many heart-threads from me to Athena, my son, my daughter, and others in my life.  It was all part of a large web that was beautiful and elaborate, that we all spun together by caring and reaching to each other.  Spider told me to keep aware of this, and know that I needed to be a dependable anchor for my threads, and that I could also get support and comfort from these threads; that we are all balanced in a web of love, helping each other.

As I looked at the threads that lead to my son and daughter, my guides said that it was time I gave (or learned?) their names.   They appeared to me as subtle concepts, and with a little work and help I determined that they should have this form:
My daughter is Aurora Lucidus Animi, Dawn of the Heart of Fire.
My son is Cercatore Filodoro, Seeker of the Thread of Gold.

(BTW, Spider promised to bind these names in safety and Oak to secure them within his arms, so that they cannot be used for their harm.)

After thanking them all, I left the clearing, returned to the sea, and awoke.

Healing the itchies

Well, its been a while since I posted.  Life has a way of getting very complex!  I am trying to get back on my path, and take some time again for personal growth

Last week, Athena got a very bad case of itchy bug bites, possibly chiggers.  I got a few, but she got a lot and the itching was driving her crazy.  She asked me to use Reiki to help.  I gave it a try, and asked for help from Oak and Spider in getting the poison out of her.  I felt them help; Oak seemed to have an affinity with the malady and was able to counter some of the irritation, and Spider cast her web to try and catch the poison and drag it out.  I also set up a circular circuit of energy into her ankle and back out into my hand, where I could catch and hold it it briefly and then dispose of it.  Athena reported an intense feeling of energy, and I just pulled as hard as I could.  I felt a lot of bad energy come out, cold and tingly.  She said that it felt much more comfortable, and it continued to improve over the next several days.

An intense journey

 Things have been rough at work last week, when I was home sick with the stomach flu.  A number of layoffs, revelations of some stupid management decisions in the past, loss of some big accounts.  My job itself is not in danger, unless the company collapses but there is a lot of panic and worry going around.  Can the company pull out of this?  I think so, but it will be hard.

I decided that I needed to ask for some guidance, if there is anything I should do now about the situation.  Should I be looking for a new job?  Hunker down and ride it out? Working overtime?  Wait and see?  I am too worried and confused to decide, so I will take a spirit journey and see what my guides have to say.

It starts well, it is a cold clear night there, very dark but with a brilliant moon just past full.  Lots of very dark shadows and dazzling silver gleams.  On the way up the path through the woods, I become aware of a group of animals on the side of the path.  There a number of small animals, it is hard to make them out.  A badger? A bobcat? Plus squirrels, chipmunks, mice, assorted birds.  Also suggestions of a human figure, in a feathered costume.  Maybe a bear in the background.   They are all in the dark, with just glimmers visible.  

I stop to talk with them, and ask them if there is anything I need to do for them.  I was just reading of someone else's journey, where they negotiated about an offering.  Should I be making any particular offerings?  They respond that each person finds the way that works best for them, that there are many paths and modes of relating to the spirit world.  Some people find a traditional framework of offerings or rituals beneficial or even essential, but for others this would not work.  I should just listen to my heart to see if there is anything I need to do.  However, not that I mention it, I HAD made a promise to the Greenman several months ago to get a plaque and hang it at the barn, in gratitude for his help.  I still have not done this.  They explain that it is not that anyone is angry or hurt about this, but that it is an unfulfilled promise and that it will burden me and interfere with my progress.  I recommit to obtaining the plaque soon, and they allow me to move on.

When I arrive at the meadow, the Tree is there close by.  He immediately reaches down a large knarled hand and clasps my hand, in a very firm and reassuring grip.  He pours lots of comfort and energy into me; I relax and let the fear drain out and let the healing energy fill me.  I feel very comforted and loved.  I spend several minutes just soaking in this, letting it heal me and wash out negative energy.

Then I ask the Tree, and anyone else who is listening, if there is anything I should do about my work situation.  Spider responds by giving me a blast of energy, that makes me feel light and happy, enlarged and powerful, but my feet remain planted in the earth.  I gather that this means that I can stay where I am, that the situation will be healed and we will grow and prosper again.    Part of me is suspicious because this is what I really wanted to hear; am I deluding myself or is this really what me guides advise me?

Spider, perhaps a little out of patience with my doubts, then turns to me.  She is about as big as a hippopatamus, broad and massive.  She bites me hard right in my stomach!  She holds on and chews for a minute.  It hurts, but not unbearably.  It feels however like it is kindly meant.  From her jaws flows into me a huge wave of tingling energy.  I feel myself swell like a glowing balloon, until I am bigger that the entire clearing and I cannot see my feet.  But I feel very excited and happy, and full of power.  I can feel the enegy building up in me; I put out my hands and it pours out through my hands as a white light.

Spider says that this means that I have the power in myself to turn the situation at work; I have a gift for programming and can help to motivate the others if neccessary.  That I can make a success of whatever job I am in; I can stay where I am and make it work, or if I choose I can find a new place at make a success there.  That I am free to choose, but I don't need to worry too much about the future of the company.
I leave them with many thanks, and return. 

It was not exactly a comfortable journey, but I did find out what I needed.

Ice storm

We have been hit by the big ice storm.  The ice is mostly gone now, but we have not had power for two days. I am really tired of this!

It was painful to see so many trees broken by the ice.  The ice was so thick that it bent some trees right over until the tops touched the ground; others lost many branches.  It seems like more than half of the trees I have seen suffered some major damage.  I went out and gave them what strength I could, but I could not stop the ice and many of the trees I know have suffered greatly.  They all said that endurance was one of their strengths, and that if they could they would make it through.  I spoke with the oak tree in my front yard, which has lost several large branches at the top; if all the top branches are broken, then it may not be able to grow properly again.  It did not seem to be in pain, but it felt very 'diminished'.  

Many of them knew that they may not survive this, and although a bit melancholy they did not seem greatly upset or angry as a person might.  Their thoughts seemed to be on the continuity of life, that there were many trees that survived and that their part may be ending the great play would go on.  It was comforting, I think I was more upset than they were.

Gifts from Oak

There was a part of my last spirit journey that I had not written down.  Near the end, I looked at the tree's leaves closely, trying to determine exactly what kind of tree it was.  But the leaves flickered and changed shape as a looked, I could not pin it down.  After a moment, the tree chided me and said that the shape of the leaves doesn't really matter.  "Leaves are prayers to the Sun, but acorns are gifts of the Moon.  The morning after a full moon is an excellent time to collect newly dropped acorns.  They will be filled with both the blessings of the Moon and gifts of the tree."

Well, that night had been a full moon, in fact the largest and brightest full moon in several years.  So the next day when I was out at the barn, I remembered and looked over at the oak trees.  As soon as I looked, several acorns dropped to the ground.  I went over and collected a small handful of the freshly fallen ones.  I didn't know what to do with them, so I kept them in a bowl.

Yesterday I saw the bowl, and I immediately knew what to do with them: put them in the ground in a circle around the paddock where my wife's horse is recuperating.  I did that today, placing each one in the ground with a brief wish that they will lend her some of the Oak's gifts: strength, endurance, and the ability to weather a storm without cracking.  (she already has patience and wisdom in plenty :D)

I hope this helps her continue to improve.  Her feet are slowly healing, it is now an endurance match for her to keep strong and positive until she can get back on her feet.

My first spirit journey

I decide to try a spirit journey, to hopefully meet my spirit guide(s) and/or guardian animal(s).  I am going to use a directed meditation based on one of my Reiki teacher's exercises and some online articles. I am going to float in my bath -- this is my favorite relaxation spot, very private and peaceful. I can float safely there without risk of going under, the tub is not big enough for me to go under without an effort :)  

I turn on some music, light a candle, turn out the lights, and get comfortable. I concentrate on breathing. The warm water and floating feeling is very helpful. I can feel my heartbeat very strongly, resonating through the water and bouncing back to me. The rhythm is steady and gentle; I accept this as my drum. I listen to the beat and let other thoughts drift away, sinking into it.

I am on a beach, a northern ocean beach with sawgrass and tough-looking weeds growing above the tide line. I follow a path up the bank into a forest. The trees are thin and clean limbed, black barked, tall, with leaves only high above. In spite of their somewhat forbidding aspect, I feel that they are friendly. The light filters down in shafts and flickering patches to the ground below. The undergrowth is open and the path is scattered with sand and many small stones of many sizes and colors. I know that these are the gifts of the earth, and show that he supports me in my journey.

I approach a clearing. It feels large, but I am unsure about how big it is. It is open, with thick green grass and a stream running though it. There is a tree in the the middle, next to the stream. The tree is tall, somewhat scraggledy, with a high crown and only a few leafy branches down low. I am pretty sure it is an oak, but sometimes I feel like it is an apple: I think because it reminds me of an apple tree I loved when I was growing up, where I had a tree house. Most people would not look twice at the tree, it is lopsided and not "pretty". But it is vigorous, exuberant, and obviously loves living. As I come up and stand beside it, a small branch comes down and strokes my hair a few times. I feel very welcome, and I sit down against the tree and look at the stream.

I relax, and send out an invitation to my guides to let me see them. I immediately see a figure to my left, standing. He seems to be wrapped in a concealing cloak of white with green & blue highlights. I cannot see his face, it is as if he is veiled with a thick mist that wraps around him. I feel that the veil is in fact my sceptical nature, that does not want to believe in all this; so I do some breathing exercises and try to relax into acceptance and push away my disbelief. After some effort, it works: I see his face. It it pale, and he seems to be crowned in leaves and to have leaves growing from is cheekbones and temples. The leaves are holly-shaped, white, with edges and highlights of green and blue. He laughes, and I feel that this is just an appearance he has chosen, because he know it will be evocative to me, and he enjoys it. ('He' is neither male nor female, or both; it makes as little sense or difference that it would for a tree) We 'speak' a little; he is pleased that I can see him. He says that nearly all people he and his collegues help never become aware of them, but that it is a great pleasure when they do.  The being does not give a name, but when I suggest that I call him Green Master he finds it amusing and accepts the title.

I then ask the Green Master if I could meet some of my guardian animals.  He indicates that I should look to my right.  Just behind me to my right is an animal that I have a lot of trouble perceiving.  It seems to be some kind of insect or spider, I think it is a spider.  Now, I have for many years had a strong fear of spiders!  I have been trying to work through this in the past year or two.  Learing to communicate with them has helped a lot, it is hard to be afraid of someone you know.  The spider spirit beside me seems quiet, helpful and friendly, but I am nervous and I think this is interfering with my ability to see her clearly: sometimes she seems tiny, sometimes as big as a horse, never the same for a moment.  I feel that it is not her, but my fear that is causing this.  We both agree that I need to work on this :D

I then become aware of something fluttering around above my head.  It is a bird, small, about the size of a barn swallow, in constant motion above my head.  I catch flashes of blue, gray, and some orange; kind of like bluebird colors but it is not a bluebird.  He moves like a barn swallow, always swooping and fluttering.  He will not sit still, he seems very excited and happy.  A very bubbly, happy spirit.

I thank them for being there with me, for showing themselves to me, and for helping me.  I ask if there is anything that they would like from me, they both say that they just want me to try and be aware and listen when they have a message for me.  I promise to try and do this.

Now it seems time to return.  I say goodbye to the spider and the bird, and the Green Master, and thank the tree for its support.  I walk back down the path to the sea, gradually waking up.  When I reach the beach, I put down a hand and scoop up some sea water; I feel this as a splash and rush of energy that moves through me and is gone.  Then I open my eyes and wake up.

I am amazed at all this.  Some questions have been answered, and many new possibilities have opened.  The Green Master is my spirit guide for this time, and watching over and protecting me in my life are the spider, the swallow, and the tree.  I could not ask for better.