Riding Water Drake

I took a spirit journey, to get to know Water Drake better.  I started on the beach and walked up the path through the woods; it was dark and the stars were bright.

When I got to the clearing and looked in the entrance, instead of a wide meadow of green grass was a wide sea of sunny green water, with small waves splashing.  As I looked, it shifted back and forth; from sea to water over green grass to dry land and back.  I stepped in it, and splashed ankle deep in the bright water.  I could see Oak a little ways ahead, seeming unconcerned that he was growing in the sea now.  Water Drake raised its head up out of the water above me; it was HUGE, shining blue and silver.  His head was large and elegant, like a Chinese dragon.

I asked if it would let me ride him; to wherever it chose to take me.  Water Drake assented, and sank down in the water, then his head rose up below me and I was astride his neck.  I expected it to dive down and swim into the depths of the sea, but instead it kept rising and swam up into the sky above.  We quickly left the earth behind and swam among the bright stars, in the black night of the sea of stars.  It was glorious to feel Water Drake's strength and confidence.

After a bit I suggested we return.  Instead of diving back down to earth, Water Drake gave a shiver and dash up and we broke through the surface of the sea and were in my meadow again.  I wondered where we had been - in the sky?  Below the sea?  And then I understood that to Water Drake all these were the same.  The sea, the sky, the earth, near, far, all were united and only our limited perceptions separated them.  By just changing our perspective we can shift from one place to another - but really only our perception shifts.

Winter Solstice 2012

Money was tight and December was rushed this year, which paradoxically meant that Solstice was very nice -- just family, quiet, darkness and fire.  We are in our back-woods house with no internet or TV.   I made a big fire in my newly rebuilt firepit.  It is great to be able to have a real, big fire, burning actual logs instead of bits of branches!

The blazing fire of peachwood from our old house and aged oak from our new house was beautiful on the cold night, and drew out Athena and the kids to sit around and talk, and roast marshmallows.  Too much mist and scattered clouds for stargazing, but a gorgeous almost-full moon sporting a huge ring - at least 35 degrees wide, fat and silvery, lasting most of the evening.

Athena sat with me a while, then Aurora came out and talked with me and we shared stories about shamanic journeys.  We played some with the bells and drums, Cercatore and Aurora made smores, and we all sat out for a long time talking and enjoying the fire.

Later, after the others went in, I sat by the fire and beat a steady rhythm with the bells Athena had bought, and drifted into non-ordinary reality.  As I listened to the bells jingle, I started to hear other bells, like harness bells approaching and jingling across the fire.  I could very clearly hear them come close and settle near the fire.  The visitors felt like travelling Sidhe, riding some kind of antlered steeds, attracted by my fire.  I welcomed them to share the fire, and put out some of my snacks and offered them freely to share.  I offered, as my part of the nights tale-telling, for them to watch the spirit journey I was about to undertake.

I  took a journey to find a spirit animal to help me in the coming year.   The seaside was dark and cold, but the sea looked like clear glass and reflected the flames of my fire; as I walked into the woods I could still feel the warmth of the fire.  As I passed the ring of trees and entered the meadow, I could see the sun and moon above bathing everything in light of mingled silver and gold.  Oak and I embraced, and I thanked him for his support and strength.  Spider met me and I thanked her for her gifts and aid in the past year, and I greeted and thanked Barn Swallow.  Then I walked on to the crystalline, tumbling stream and sat beside it, looking across to the edge of the woods beyond, and waited for someone/something to emerge.

After a bit, I could feel something hesitating just beyond sight, unsure if it should appear - apparently because it was not sure I would believe it it.  To try and lure it out, I tried asking it what it was, and tried a number of animals without getting a firm response - some recognition at snake and bird, but still not quite right.  Next I asked about its element; definitely not earth or air, positive response on both water and fire.

It finally crept out from the trees into the stream, and let me see it - it was a water-drake, a small dragon; a creature of fire and water, very snakelike, standing about 3-4 feet on two hind legs.  It said that Water had been a good friend to me and helped me a lot this last year with adaptability and acceptance of change as I moved and started a new job, but that for the challenges in front of me now I will need to add Fire to my gifts.  I thanked it, and admired its beauty; it was sometimes transparent, disappearing into the water, sometimes blue and white, curling its neck.  I could tell it could also breath flame when it needs to!

I look forward to learning more from Water-Drake, and learning to use its gifts.  What a surprising patron!

After returning to my fire, my visitors had moved on.  I doused the fire with many thanks, and left my food as a free gift to any that passed that way, and went inside.

In the Forest

At Athena's suggestion, I took a spirit journey last night outside, after dark, at our place way out in the tree-covered hills.

I settled down beside the herb garden we had planted, facing the forest behind the house.  I started the beat with my rattle, and sang my power song.  At first I was rushing and nervous, so I stopped, centered myself, and started over at a steady, slow pace.

As I sang I started to hear noises around and behind me; acorns falling, leaves rustling, branches creaking.  I got the sense that there was some awareness that was waking and approaching me.  My first thought was to throw up barriers, but I didn't want to close out anything that was coming to help or teach.  So again I calmed myself, and asked the land to aid me and keep out anything that meant me ill, but to welcome anything that meant me well.

I heard sounds like something moving through the leaves, and got worried about wild animals; but then I heard our horse wuffle quietly and I knew that if there was a corporeal threat that she would not be so relaxed.  This was a very good exercise in relaxing and trusting in my protections!

I stared down into the trees, as they marched down away from me, filled with mist and shadow.  I called into my mind my seashore with the dark woods above, and the two merged so that I could see the dark and mist wreathing my woods with mystery as I entered and began to climb the narrow twisted path.  

As I climbed, the winds rose a bit in the outside world, and there was some lightening in the distance.  I welcomed the energy, and used it to deepen my trance.

I entered the clearing, and Oak was waiting for me just down the path.  The sun and half moon shown together in the sky, bathing the meadow in mingled silver and gold light.

I embraced Oak and communed briefly, and then asked if he had anything to tell me or show me.  I saw him clothe himself in gold and russet, and some old dead branches fell.  He told me that I should not be afraid of letting go of the parts of my past that are dead or useless, and I should not be reluctant to "change my coat" as the weather changes.  That as the oak changes with the seasons, its core stays strong and green.

Cross the threshold

I took a spirit journey tonight, the first real one in several months.  The last time I tried, I could not keep in the 'trance', I kept popping out of shamanic consciousness and couldn't visualize clearly.  This time I took more time, and also got some lovely nature sounds to play to put me in the right state.

I took a long time on the seashore this time.  The sky was dark twilight, clear and cool, and the ocean was crystalline and dark, like blown glass with a heart of night.  I made my way up the past the tide line, through the saw grass, and onto the path between the trees.

The path was sandy and bare, and the trees were dark with just a few new leaves appearing.  There was little undergrowth.  I slowly walk up the path, to the opening of the clearing.  As I stepped out into the clearing, the sun was shining and warm on my skin, and the lush grass was soft on my feet.  A half moon was in the sky with the sun.  I walked down a little way to the Oak tree, and gave it big hug; the slender branches stroked my back and welcomed me, not caring how long I had been away. 

I thanked Oak for all his help, then turned to my right and greeted Spider (who appeared 5 foot high and shining black).  I carefully embraced Spider (not wanting to hurt her legs) and kissed her on the head, thanking her for all the support that she has given me.  Barn Swallow came down and perched on my shoulder and greeted me, and I thanked her for her gifts and inspiration.

I asked my patrons what I should do next, and they suggested that I walk down to the stream.  I did so, and marveled at the clear, sparking water.  I took a sip of it, which felt cool and sparkling.  I asked if I should run some cards for my upcoming move, using the Celtic tree oracle cards, and they said that would be fine; Oak said he would bless them for me.

I thanked all by friends and walked out of the clearing.  As I walked down the path, it was much sunnier and there were pale wildflowers popping up around the trees, and many new green leaves appeared.  At the sea, I took another sip and felt the ocean's vast calmness there for me if I needed it, then woke up.

I got out the Celtic tree cards and laid out cards in the Three Worlds spread.  This is what I got:

Underworld: deep resources, wisdom from ancestors --
Beech
    Cross the threshold that is challenging you

Middleworld: truth at the core of the matter --
Gooseberry
    Draw on the wisdom of those who have walked the path before you

Upperworld: starry wisdom, clear insight --
Alder
    Defend your territory, and clear the way before you

I read this to mean that we should go ahead with the move, but be sure to have everything in writing and make sure everything is in order before we do it!

Retreat

Yesterday I took a day-long, private retreat on some land that a friend owns.  Except for saying Hi to a neighbor as I came in the night before, I didn't speak to a single person the entire day.  The land has a large, beautiful creek, secluded in trees, that leads back to a larger river that crosses their land; it was a day of nothing but high grasses, old trees, swift clear water, tumbled stones, sun and sky.

I started fasting the night before, and didn't eat anything all Saturday, until breakfast on Sunday.  My goal was to spend a day in contemplation, journeying, and dancing to thank the powers that have guided and aided me during this time of my life, especially Water who had promised to carry me though the turbulent rapids to a safe landing.  In spite of (or perhaps because of) the many setbacks, trials, and tests recently, my new job and location is everything I could have wanted, and will be great foundation for the future of my family.  I just heard that my previous company was just bought out and practically everyone fired, so I got out just in time!  Water told me that the process would not be easy or comfortable, but that he would carry me though if I would put my trust in him.  He was certainly right, and a big part of this retreat was to thank him and honor all my guides.

I left behind all electronic devices and locked my phone in the car, so I had the entire day and the night to follow with no clock, no contact with anyone.  It was a long, slow, but very rewarding day.  The hours seemed endless, without even meals to mark the time.  Most of the day was fine and fair, cool but with a warm sun.  I walked through the grass, waded in the cold clear creek, and spoke with the trees, birds, fish, grasshoppers, tiny frogs, wild turkey, flowers, rocks, and water.  I tried to keep myself halfway in the non-ordinary realm as much as possible, shaking my rattle and occasionally dancing.

I also brought Michael Harner's The Way of the Shaman, a classic work and well worth the reading.  He is a professional anthropologist who has studied shamanism around the world, and has himself become a shaman and worked as a student with master shaman around the world.  He gives good, practical advice for learning shamanic techniques, and also offers insights from many traditions.  He adds good scholarly and psychological perspectives, while validating shamanic reality and experiences and not trying to "explain them away" with psychology.

I sat for a long time on the gravel bar in the river, and journeyed a bit.  I never got deep into the lowerworld, but I did speak with and thank Water for his help.  I think it was too sunny for a deep trance, Harner says the most shamans work primarily at night for this reason.  So the day was more about tuning in to nature and turning off the monkey mind, communing with the beings around me.

Walking in the woods around the creek, I found a nice flat open area screened by brush.  I tried Harner's exercise "Dancing your Animal".  I shook my rattle in a steady beat, and pushed deeper into the lowerworld; then I started dancing (really just shuffling) and invited any animal that wished to come and dance through me.  I felt Spider come (she had been near me all day) and we danced as Spider.  Walking with long legs, with grace and silence; spinning a web; casting threads and pulling them to me; walking the web with confidence and care.  I do see now why traditional dancing takes place on large areas of beaten earth - when you are truly immersed in the dance it is hard to remember to watch your footing :)  This was a very rewarding and enjoyable dance, and I feel closer to Spider that ever, and I think she enjoyed it too.

Part of the time that I was dancing, the Indian I had met before in my journeys, Teacher of Boys to Men, came and danced beside me.  It was very gratifying and inspiring.

Later, after more walking and wading, I asked my guides for a power song.  This is another of Harner's suggestions.  It is a song, usually simple and repetitive, that you sing as you start a journey or other power work, to waken your guides and call them to you.  It also aids you in moving into shamanic consciousness, like the rattle or drum, by preparing your mind and becoming associated subconsciously with the transition.

I was not expecting much with this, I have never had a musical bent and have never invented even a simple tune or song.  So I was surprised when, as soon as I started dancing and beating time with my rattle, words came to me and came out of my mouth with almost no volition.  The words were evocative for me, although the song was not fully formed; I added a bit where it seemed right, and had a full verse in just a moment.  A second verse suggested itself immediately, and I sang that too.  I sang them both for a few minutes, liking them very much but feeling that they weren't powerful enough, they needed something more.  Immediately in my head appeared a third verse, that was even more powerful.  So I ended up (with almost no effort, just as Harner has said) with three verses that as I sing them step the power up 1 - 2 - 3 as they go.  I was singing them to myself in my head, still a bit shy of singing them out loud. even though nobody could hear :).  But there was no tune, it was just a chant.  So I sang them out loud, and a simple tune immediately fitted itself to the words as I sang them, which completed the song.  The tune is very simple, but perfect for humming or whistling as a repeated pattern, which is great for certain stages of power work.  So I advise anyone who tries this, sing it out loud, and proudly!  That is what it is for.

A power song is personal, but not private, so here are the words that came to me:

The Sun is my friend
The Earth is my friend
The Wind is my friend
The Water is my friend
oooo - Ah!
oooo - Ah!
(repeat 4 times)

The Sun is in my heart
The Earth is in my heart
The Wind is in my heart
The Water is in my heart
oooo - Ah!
oooo - Ah!
(repeat 4 times)

My heart is in the Sun
My heart is in the Earth
My heart is in the Wind
My heart is in the Water
oooo - Ah!
oooo - Ah!
(repeat 4 times)

Looking at this song, it reminds me strongly of various American Indian ritual songs, such as the one about the Navaho "Prayer to the Prophet" and the Osage "Rising of the Buffalo Men" http://members.cox.net/academia/songs.html.

During the day I was also gifted with several things.  A lovely feather was laid across the path directly in front of me.  Several nice acorns were left out for me.  A fragment of broken stone called out to me as a symbol of Earth.  My attention was drawn to a nice stone in the creek at one point, which I admired but left there; a few hours later it called out to me more forcefully and said it was offered by Water.  At one point I was admiring a walnut on a walnut tree, when it came off into my hand as a gift.

After receiving the feather and the stone fragment, and some of the acorns, I returned to the camp where I was leaving my things.  I started to set my gifts down so I could go walk so more, but a spider web caught my hand just as I was putting the feather down and pulled it back to my chest; Spider clearly wanted me to keep the feather with me.  So I threaded it on the medallion that Athena gave me, that I always wear when doing shamanic or Reiki work, and wore it all day. 

In the evening, I was thinking of what I wanted to do that night.  I had been considering going to retrieve a power animal for Athena to help with the stress and worry that she has been dealing with, but I was not sure if this was the right thing to do.  So I pulled out the Celtic Tree Oracle cards I had brought, and did the 5-card spread to ask how I could best help her in this time.

The answer was surprisingly clear:
Primary card -
Blackberry: Gather in what is dearest to you
Clarifying cards -
Scots Pine: Seek an overview
Apple: Vision lights the way ahead
Ivy: Strength comes from accepting support
Ash: Strength grows from deep roots

To me this was suprisingly clear: focus on "gathering her in", keeping her close in my heart.  Keep an eye on the long view, and trust our vision of the road ahead.  Give and accept support from her, to help us both, and keep strong the roots of our love.  She doesn't need a power animal to help her though this -- she needs me, and I need her, and together we have the strength and vision to succeed.  This was confirmed later when I tried to make a journey for her, just in case; I was gently but firmly "kicked out" and told that this was not what I needed to do.

As it began to get dark, I took my things to the gravel bar in the river, where I planned to spend the night meditating and journeying.  As I was leaving the camp, I started to get a bit freaked out by the dark under the trees; I could see enough to walk by I knew it would be spooky in the woods.  Just as I was thinking that, I walked into two long strong spider web strands that wrapped around my forehead on over my ears, just like a circlet.  I immediately knew that Spider had provided me protection, that it would make me safe from anything that walked the night.  I felt much better!  I sang my power song as I went through the woods, just to make sure that I was power-full and would be safe from any bad energy.

I sat on the gravel bank on a deck chair as it got dark, with just a small candle burning, and tried to journey.  But I think by this time I was too tired, I could not keep the concentration and kept coming back up.  After a while I accepted this; I had already received so much this day that I was not disappointed.

I watched the stars and the water, talked a bit with Water, and communed with nature as night fell.  It was slightly overcast, so there was enough reflected light around that I could see, especially over the white river rocks.  The clouds thickened, and I felt an occasional soft drop of rain, but not too much.  The water was ink-black and mysterious, shimmering in the dark and talking with a thousand voices.  The birds, crickets, and frogs answered, and the wind whispered over it all.  The rocks spoke as I walked, and listened to it all.

I dozed occasionally, and walked and listened.  Late in the night (maybe after midnight?) the wind picked up and it got much colder, and it started to sprinkle in earnest, and I decided on the better part of valor.  I took the candle (in a perforated ceramic holder) and walked back to the camp.  I spent the rest of the night in the camping trailer, with the heater on :)  The weather forecast had been for clear skies and mid 60s, but it ended up with light rain and mid 40s, so I was very happy to be dry and warm for the rest of the night!

Some things I learned for the future:

1. Don't plan to stay awake and working all night.  I was just too sleepy to focus well during the late night.

2. Starting the fast the night before may not have been a good idea, and maybe a light breakfast would have been good.  I was getting rather fuzzy by nightfall and did not have enough energy to really do as much as I had hoped.  The purpose is not to become weak and drowsy, but just to separate yourself from the needs and physical comforts of the day.  It would be better to have more energy going into the evening, so that the early night time can be used to its best advantage.

3. Plan better for changes in the weather!

I really loved this day of contemplation and listening.  I feel like I got a lot out of it.  I received several wonderful gifts, and I really had time to talk with and thank all my patrons and guides. 

The Adversaries

I finally got back to finishing my post about meeting the adversaries of the four directions last year, a post which I lost and had to rewrite:
http://grenewinae.blogspot.com/2010/08/recommitment.html

Walking with a spirit

This time when I walked the long trail, I saw no deer at all, and only one armadillo in the distance.  But spiritually it was a different experience.

There is a place in the trail near the beginning where you leave an open field area and plunge down into the dense woods.  This time it really struck me, and reminded me of the beginning of a spirit journey -- when the traveler leaves the world of light and follows the path into mystery.  I welcomed this feeling, and tried to immerse myself in it as I walked, trying to walk in both worlds at once - the ordinary world of a path through the woods, and the non-ordinary world of a spirit journey.  I felt the woods around me overlaid with the numinous, and was aware of the slow dreams of the trees and animals.  Everything felt more secret and mysterious. 

There is a part of the path that is a boardwalk that is raised slightly over the marshy ground.  As I walked it before, I kept hearing what seemed to be footsteps behind me, very faint.  This time I heard them again, and I sent out a call inviting them to walk with me.  I got a very faint impression of a man who likes to walk this path, but who is seldom sensed by anyone.  I saw nothing (he said that he did not think anyone had ever seen him) but I got the sense that he was walking a ways behind me.  He wasn't strong enough to come close, but liked being noticed.  He seemed only lightly connected to time, he seemed to have little memory.  He just remembered walking in these woods and loving them.

I invited him to walk with me (he could only walk behind by several yards) and walked with him on the boardwalk out of the wooded area into a marshy meadow, which made him happy.  He faded out about halfway through the meadow, and was gone by the time I reached the river at the far side.

I have never sensed human spirits before, it was an odd experience.  I am not sure how much real awareness he has; he seems happy with his quiet ghost dance on the path.

Recommitment

A new journey, taken on the liminal cusp; at twilight, when school begins the next morning, with a timeless while balanced between summer and fall, light and dark, freedom and responsibility...

I am recommitting to my spiritual practice, and have taken a journey to meet again the guardians of the four directions, and to also ask to see the adversaries of the four directions.  I want to know what I can do to start a daily/weekly practice to keep me in touch with the spirit.

In the East the guardian is a great golden-furred beast, the master of the good beginning, the gateway for the start of the journey.  His element is Water, since all things start with water.  I can honor him each morning by catching a drop of water on my finger and throwing it to the east.

The adversary of the east resolves itself slowly into the huge figure of a giant or ogre, guarding a closed door.  His power is to deny entry, to close the door and forbid egress: that part of myself that fears change and wants to stay within its safe world and never reach out.  I consider if I am supposed to battle him, or trick him, of beguile him... none of these things would work.  Instead I thank him for his service, and acknowledge that sometimes it is right to close the door: in defense, or to prevent unwise wandering, but I tell him that I am too quick to close the door and that I need to learn to open it more, and move out from my comfort into the wide world more.  He agrees that I need this.  He will man the door for me, but it will always be my responsibility to choose when to open it.

In the South is the great feathered serpent, over the lush green jungle.  He is the master of the path, the one who sets the trials, the creator of the labyrinth that we must navigate to reach our goals.  I can honor him each morning by lighting a flame, gazing at it, and thinking of its powers and gifts. 

The adversary of the south appears as a huge winged skull that flies in darkness.  It is the ashes of lost hopes; the possible futures that once could have been but can now no longer be; the future selves that have been killed by my past choices.  It flies at me and tries to bite me.  I cannot unmake those choices, and even if I could it would destroy some other future.  Every choice and action creates its future only by destroying others.  I acknowledge this, and admit that I would not return to these choices, but I still grieve for what cannot be.  I spread my arms and accept the pain of its bite, the pain of loss that is unavoidable.  The pain remains.  It will never not be, nor will it be belittled or smothered with platitudes.

In the West is crested lizard or horny toad, the consort of the moon, sitting on a stone in the desert with the stars behind him.  He is the master of the gate of learning, the fruits of the journey; the stars are the myriad possibilities that are the consequence of my choices.  I can honor him by gazing at the stars.

The adversary of the west appears to me as Christ suffering on the cross.  He is choices held onto past their time, decisions clung to but never reexamined.  What is right and good at one point in your life can become a burden and a barrier later if you stop questioning.  Doing this can condemn us all to being crucified on the cross of our past choices.  I can honor him, and remind myself to keep an open mind and heart, by breaking a thread.

In the North is the vast hall of the king, dressed in sable and crowned with ice.  The north star is over his head.  He is the lord of bards and storytellers, and the lord of hope and of light in the darkness.  In his hall are told the stories of all those who have braved the journey and won through to the end.  I can honor him with song.  It can be a light or funny song, it is the act of singing out that opens the heart to joy.

The adversary of the north is a huge white dragon.  He represents the demands of the world, the duties and responsibilities of daily life.  He desires to rip out my heart and eat it, just as work, money, and other demands will destroy my soul, unless I can keep a balance that honors both the spiritual and emotional side of my life and the practical side.  I can honor him with herbs that feed both the body and the soul.

Aldebaran

The day after my dream of finding the power adapter in another reality, I took a spirit journey to seek it out. 

I sought aid from my guides, the guardians of the directions, the Lord of Underearth, the Green Man, and any other good spirit willing to aid me.  I started on the beach, it was very dark but with a moon and lots of stars.  I started up the path into the woods, enjoying the blanket of darkness on the earth and the trees that made everything seem secret and magical.  The blackness was relieved by silver glimmers of moonlight on the trunks of the trees, and by the luminous glow of occasional mushrooms, flowers, and insects in vivid blues and greens.

As I walked up the path, the path seemed to rise up off the ground and lead me into the air.  It took me up over the tops of the trees, and then spiraling up into the night sky.  The path looked like a frozen river of black velvet and satin, glimmering silver in the starlight, wide and comfortable to walk on.  I could see the earth below, the woods, and my clearing glowing below me, but I turned my eyes up to the stars and followed the winding path as it took me up and away from the earth.

As I ascended, I could see that the patch branched off here and there, with roads leading to the myriads of stars and planets.  I stayed on the main branch, and it presently took me close to the star Aldebaran.  This appeared as a huge milky crystal sphere, slightly pinkish, with countless glittering facets.  It was so bright I could barely look at it directly as it loomed over me.  I took the short path up to it, and entered via a crystal archway. 

I stood in a cavernous hall, all of glowing pink crystal, facing a being on a throne raised upon many steps.  The being shown like a star so that I could not look at him/her.  I said that I had come on this journey hoping to find the tools to help me in my life, if it was right that I find them.   

Aldebaran replied that he/she could grant me this, but what would I do for it?  The service required was that I use this to help my wife and the others around me when the need support, and not keep it for myself nor use it for selfish ends.  I promised to do this, and Aldebaran placed in my hands a large white plastic power converter, the same one I had found in my earlier dream.  With many thanks, I placed this in my belt pouch, and returned to the sky road.

I walked back down the path, returning to earth in the woods and walked back to the beach, and awoke


A surprising and eldrich journey

Soaking in the bath with a bad headache, my mind wandered for a while and then I found myself walking the beach by the ocean.


It was a cold night, dry, with a bright moon touching everything with silver. The waves were splashing and receeding, and I was aware that they were full of life, as was the sand beneath my feet and the air around me. I started walking up the path, through the sea grass into the woods.

I saw a branch of the path go off to the right; I followed it, even though it was narrow and lined with dark trees and black undergrowth. It led through the trees to a small black pool, of murky dark water, filled with roots and black mud. A tiny rivulet of water ran in at the left and another ran out on the right, down to the sea. I could tell the water and mud were filled with living things that seemed nasty to me, with too many legs and squishy bodies; they were creeping and wiggling in the mud. But I knew that they were not evil, just living things different than I who only wanted to live and raise their children.

I knew that I had been called down a dark path for some reason, so I decided the surrender to it and see where it led, trusting in my guides to not lead me astray. I laid down in the black, brackish water, on my back, and crossed my hands over my chest; I sank into the water and down into the mud.

A very large, wet tentacle came out of the mud and wrapped around my chest, and pulled me down into the dark wet earth. I was drawn down, surrounded by earth and darkness, towards what I sensed was a huge tentacled creature with a gaping mouth. This cthonic lord of the under earth did not speak, but simply swallowed me whole.

I slid down its throat and emerged in its cavernous water-filled stomach, swiming in a limitless void of dark water. I remembered the silver moon-ring that had been gifted me by the Smith, and draw it out of my mouth. In its silvery light, I saw that there were many things swimming around in the distance, looking like pale insects and deep sea fish.

A large creature approached, who looked like a giant scorpion make of bone, with a face like an old man made of bone and chiton. He smiled somewhat cruelly and said "So you have arrived." I said something about wanting to know the way out, and he said "Its too late, you are dead already." Then he touched me and I saw that my flesh was peeling away and leaving just bare bone. In moments I was just a skeleton. I felt no pain or fear, just wonder. Afraid of losing my moon-ring, I put it on my left wrist.

He looked over my bones, then produced a large quartz crystal. He said "Here is a new heart for you," and placed it in my ribcage. I looked at it, and felt it beat with soft pulse of light, then asked about the way back. He replied "The only way to be reborn is to die again."

I saw a large, blind snake-like thing coming up towards me. It found my feet and started swallowing me, until I was completely within it. As I traveled down its throat, I felt my flesh grow back over my bones, until I was alive again. Then the flesh of the snake split open, and I found myself laying on the ground under the trees, lying in a stream of cold clear water running downhill, with my head downward and the water running past it. I could feel the moon-ring still around my wrist bones, under my flesh, now invisible, and I could feel the crystal in my chest just behind my heart, pulsing with my heartbeat.

I called to the scorpion-man and asked him what his name was. I heard his voice, "You can call me Yaah-waah, bacause that is the sound people make when they die and are reborn. I am the midwife of this rite of death and rebirth, you are lying now at the birthing-place of the earth."

I thanked Yaah-waah, and the guardians of the directions, and my guides for taking me on this journey.

Compass Points

Gate of dreams, roseate East,
Good beginnings from golden beast.

Southern forests, paths that twist,
Feathered serpent sets the test.

Moon's consort neath starry sky,
Western toad calls choices nigh.

King in sable, heart of flame,
in Northern hall ring songs of fame.

A walk in the dark

Another spirit journey, after months of being too busy or tired or worried to do so...

I walked on the seashore, it was dark and quite chilly. The sea was calm. I was having some trouble staying on the dream side, so I took a little time here to focus on the pale sand, the dark sea, the phosphorescent breakers, the tough sea grass rising up to the edge of the trees. I splashed my feet into the water (it was very cold!) and splashed my face, to wake my dream self up and see clearly.

I walked up the path through the grass into the trees, and up the winding path among the trees. There was a lot of moonlight, and many of the trees seemed white or silver, as if there were many birches. The sand on the path glimmered pale. As I approached the edge of the clearing, I could see sunlight through the trees; the clearing was bright and warm, but I was still outside the ring of trees that surround it.

I hesitated for a moment before entering. Several journals I have read have spoken of the terrors and trials of spirit journeys, and I have wondered if I have not delved deeply enough in my journeys to really find the truth, but just stayed in the light and avoided facing the darkness. I don't know; but I said that I was ready to see more and learn more, even if it was dark or frightening.

Then on my right, just outside the clearing, I saw a narrow dark path with branches handing low. I ducked down and started following this path. It was winding and narrow. often low with interlaced branches above. I followed it for a time, and it twisted down and turned into a tunnel into the ground. I kept going. There was still some light coming in behind me, and it was not too dark to see. The tunel was wide but uneven, of packed earth and stone, with tree roots showing. As I kept on, I touched the tree roots for reassurance.

Just as the light behind me faded, I started seeing a flickering red glow ahead. As I approached, I saw that the tunned swelled into a small room and ended. At the far side of the room was a smith, working hot metal over a huge red glowing fire. He saw me but kept working. He was large, and seemed to have a helmet crowned with stag horns, or possibly he had antlers himself. I approached him cautiously. He nodded to me, I was not unwelcome, but he had work to do and kept at it. He was working something in a silvery metal like a very short sword with elaborate hilts.

I asked him what I was there to learn. He laughed and set the sword aside, and said that I would know what I was to learn when I learned it, of course. He showed me the sword, which he explained was not a weapon after all but a tool to split the rocks, made for those down here who did such things. Then he showed me that there were two small tunnels leading off the the left and the right, The left tunnel bent down and was very dark. The right tunnel bent upwards and looked lighter and more inviting.

He asked me, which path was I going to take? The time to choose was now. I answered, Is not the choice false? For don't both paths lead to the same destination? He responded that they did in fact both lead to the same place, but that the path one took often had more impact that the place of arrival. He said that he knew that I had walked much in the light so far, and that I could learn more by walking in the dark for a time. I agreed, and turned towards the left passage. He called out, "Wait! Take this with you, there will come a time when you can use it." and tossed me a thin ring of silver, about two or three inches across. I caught it, and continued down the tunnel.

It immediately became pitch black, I could see nothing at all. I moved forward by feel, trusting my feet and my hands to know where to go. th passage sometimes became so narrow I had to go sideways, and sometimes so low I had to crouch down, but I kept moving forward. After an interminable time, I started to hear water ahead.

A moment later, I felt the passage open out slightly as it ended at the edge of a narrow but briskly running underground stream. I felt a small reed coracle or basket on the ground at my feet. I set the coracle in the water and climbed in, and immediately started moving down the stream at a brisk pace. I could still not see anything, I could just feel the sides of the tunnel sliding by as the water carried my, I knew that no matter what, there would be no returning by this path. I had to put my faith in what lay ahead that I would be delivered safely home.

The river made a turn, and my coracle grounded on a sandy shore. I felt like there were a large chamber in front of me, filled with stone shapes, all hidden to my eyes. Then I noticed that the silver ring was gleaming faintly, as if the moon shone on it, but there was no moon. As I held it up to my eye, I perceived that there was bright moonlight forged into the silver by the craft of the smith, and that it allowed me to see the world around me as teh moon would see it, bathed in faint silvery beams.

I was surrounded by tall stone forms that looked like great fir trees hewn of stone, like a Christmas forest frozen in gray stone, all silent and cold. I wandered through them, wondering, for surely nothing down here had ever seen the sun on the forests I knew. I came in time to a rough stone bench set among the stone trees, and I sat for a while.

After I had collected my thoughts, I called out quietly, Who is in this place? I wish to know you and mean you no harm. And there started to appear from round the trees and stones small gray people, who crept up silently to me, gazing at me with their huge flat eyes, moving their long nimble fingers. They seemed shy, and found the pale gleam of moonlight from my ring overbright.

I sat on the ground so as no to overtop them, and asked them who they were, They said that they had always been here, had been here since the beginning, living among the stones. They seemed a cheerful people, quiet but clever, and showed me some of the marvelous things that they had made for their joy: small, fragile sculptures of silver and gold, music or song that sounded like chiming crystals and melodious drops in still pools.

I asked how to you live? Where is your food? And they showed me that they receive their life directly from the Earth itself, as a free gift. They showed me how to sit quietly on the stone, and allow the grace of the Earth to rise within me, filling me and satisfying all my needs. They said that anyone can receive this, as long as they are calm and centered and keep a balance in their hearts.

I said to them, You seem kind and friendly, but are there not things down here to fear? What of the terrors and monsters of which I have heard? And in response, they showed me images of the creatures that prowl these tunnels fo night, and which destroy all they encounter.

These creatures were misshapen, some glowing like hot fire, others dark as shadows and as cold. They seemed to rave and mutter to themselves. The gray folk told me that there things were once people as themselves, who lost their center and their balance. Having lost this and the sustenance that the Earth gives with it, they have turned to stealing the life and vitality of other folk. They try to find other people and strike them, to try and get them to respond with fear or anger so that they can snatch it away as their food. The more they do this, the more twisted they become, until they love nothing more than anger and spite and causing hurt.

When such things come around, the gray folk have learned to disappear by drawing themselves into the stone. They showed me how to do this. Then they told me that, once in the stone, I could follow it up to the sun-world and find my way home.

I thanked them very much for all that they had shown me.  I put the ring in my mouth to keep it safe, and slid into the embrace of the Earth. I moved upwards, and felt the warmth of the sun striking a ridge of stone in my clearing. I emerged there, and after thanking the Earth for all its aid, I came home

When I awoke, I could still feel the ring inside my mouth.  I know it will be with me, ready to shed light in the darkness.
 

Children of the earth

I finally found time (after flu, sick kids, hurt dog, taxes, people, and other aggravations) to take a spirit journey.

The beach was cool and windy. The water was dark, and the wind was making small breakers on the beach. I could tell the water was full of life. I turned up the shore, and walked into the woods. I concentrated on opening my heart chakra, and the woods stayed fairly light; I could see the crisp winter sun through the leaves. I could see signs of spring all around, buds and tiny furled leaves, but it was still largely bare and wintry.

I walked up the winding path. Looking down, there was a large cluster of mushrooms at the base of the trees. They were ordinary wild mushrooms, brown and translucent with long stems and small heads. There were also some smaller ones with red caps. I stopped and spoke to them. I have always liked the look of mushrooms, but I don't like the taste and I thought the red ones were probably poisonous. The mushrooms were a little offended by this, they don't want to be eaten or judged by their taste! They spoke to me about themselves.

They are just the fruiting bodies of a network of vessels that wind through the earth and the rotting wood. The mushrooms themselves are transitory, they grow and wither while the real life continues. Mushrooms appear in rings sometimes, because the true being is in the earth, growing outwards in a circle and producing mushrooms at its edges. I got a strange sense from them, of being a transitory self that is a temporary expression of an eternal being, whose life is far greater than mine, but which depends on me for its exfoliation and expansion. The mushrooms are loved by the deeper being, and needed by it, but it is greater than they.
 

Tomorrow, I will write more about my encounter with the Greenman.

Webs

After my conversation with Oak, I turned and saw Spider. I asked her what she though of what Oak has said about the different ways in which animals and plants relate to the Tao. She said that spiders have a different perspective. Spiders live within the currents of what is, but in an active, not passive fashion. Spiders flow with the Tao, but they also spin webs. The webs stretch across the currents, interacting with the flow but without disrupting it. Spiders never make useless webs. Wherever you see a web, it was put there because a spider knew that some creature's destiny would bring it to that place at the right time for it to die. Webs stretch across the Tao, through space and time, both responding to and revealing its flow to those who can see. Across these unseen connections, the spiders dance.

The view from the trees

Continuing on my spirit journey...

The impetus that I had to make this journey was concern about a news story I heard on the radio, that oak trees across much of North America were not producing acorns this year. Acorn production naturally varies from year to year, sometimes heavy, sometimes light, but always some. But this year huge numbers of trees are producing no acorns at all. What was wrong? I resolved to ask Oak about it.

When I arrived in the clearing, I saw Oak standing tall and full, vibrant and alive; I immediately felt relieved. I expressed my concern to Oak, and asked what was happening? Were the trees dying? Was is global warming, parasites? Is there anything I could do?

Oak told me not to worry. Yes, many trees this year were not producing acorns. This was not something that they chose, nor was it something that they were forced to do: they just perceived that this was the right thing to do right now. This confused me somewhat, so Oak drew me into its awareness, so that I could to some extent see the world the way trees see it.

Trees are intensely bound up with the natural flow of what is, something I can only compare to the Tao. Animals have intentions and make choices, and can act either in harmony or opposition to this flow. Simpler animals generally follow the Tao spontaneously, and live their lives in harmony. More complex animals may act in response to fears or desires that pull them in different ways, and can get out of sync, moving against the flow. Humans are the worst at this, often not even being aware that their choices and actions continually make life more difficult and stressful.

Plants cannot move against the Tao. At each moment, a plant simply does what is right for it to do, without plan or intention. An animal lives within the flow, and can move with or against the flow; but a plant IS the flow. It is a spontaneous expression of what is at each moment, unbent by intentions. Plants do not fear or desire, they simple dwell in awareness of what is, was, and shall be, and their growth and life is a dance expressing this. Only humans ask Why, or If.

Are the trees dying? They don't know, and it doesn't worry them. They know that time flows in ever-repeating cycles, that winter follows summer. Across the rhythm of the seasons there are larger rhythms of growth and waning, and that nothing stays the same, that there will be a time when the trees will wane, just as there is for all things. They will pass when it is right, without fear, whether in a nuclear winter or the slow death of the sun.

Oak did reveal something of what the trees perceive of what will be. They are withholding their acorns this year; the energy and vitality that would normally go out to them is being pulled inward and concentrated. This is building a huge reservoir of energy, which they will use for some important purpose in the near future. The trees don't know what the purpose will be. They just know that when the time is right it will be used, to the benefit of all. I asked for more details, what is this great plan of the trees? What will they do? They don't know. Being trees, they have no plan, no intention, they just perceive that there will be a time soon when they will act.

Ancestor

I took a spirit journey the other night.  It was clear and cool at the shore, the sky was clear and the stars lucent; Jupiter and Venus in conjunction with the crescent moon were brilliant.  The sea was crystalline and dark.  I walked up the path into the trees.
I was well into the woods when I saw a man standing beside the path ahead of me.  He was an Indian (Native American) man, in traditional plains attire with feathered and beaded boots.  He smiled at me, and took a few dance steps/stomps, and guestured for me to do the same.  I did, and he smiled and did a few more; for a few minutes he danced softly with me, encouraging me to stand pround and strut in the dance.  He said that he was proud of me, and that I should be proud of myself.
I am a quiet, gentle, soft-spoken person, uninterested in sports.  Although I am a tribe member, I know practically nothing of my tribe's traditional culture or language.  He said that this does not make me less of a man, or less of an Indian.  Although I have not followed the traditional paths, and have never been made a man by the traditional rituals, I have found my own paths and have earned my manhood and my place by my own experiences, wisdom, and gifts; and I need apologize to no one.  Strength is shown in gentleness, and wisdom in tolerance.  He is proud to claim me as a descendant.
With thanks, we parted and I continued up the path.

A gift of names

A spirit journey tonight, after a very full week.  No particular goal in mind, it just felt right to take one.

The Harvest Moon was out, glowing silver.  As I walked through the woods, I worked on opening my heart.  Gradually the woods lightened and I could see green leaves on the trees around; not full light, but it was steady.  I think I am making progress.

In the clearing, the sun was shining.  I walked up to the Oak, and embraced it, thanking it for the strength and help it has given me.  Spider and Swallow appeared also, and I thanked them each for the special help and gifts they have been giving me recently.  My wife struck her head recently and after returning from the hospital I was trying Reiki on it.  I asked Spider to help knit the flesh together again and to help it heal cleanly, and I felt a definite response; I know Athena felt it too because she immediately said "Ow!" :)

Oak said that he was glad to give me his strength; he then leaned down and placed a nut in my hands.  It looked delicious and I ate it.  Then I asked what it was, and Oak said that is was strength for me to have when I needed it.

I walked over to the stream, running swift and clear.  The water tasted cold and wonderful, and I also laved my face and head with it.  It was so refreshing! 

Then I turned to my guides and asked them if there was anything they could tell me.  Spider spoke, saying that I should look around me and see where the threads of my life were, that I needed to stay aware of who and what I had included in my web and to keep them in my heart to stay in balance.  I looked around and there were many heart-threads from me to Athena, my son, my daughter, and others in my life.  It was all part of a large web that was beautiful and elaborate, that we all spun together by caring and reaching to each other.  Spider told me to keep aware of this, and know that I needed to be a dependable anchor for my threads, and that I could also get support and comfort from these threads; that we are all balanced in a web of love, helping each other.

As I looked at the threads that lead to my son and daughter, my guides said that it was time I gave (or learned?) their names.   They appeared to me as subtle concepts, and with a little work and help I determined that they should have this form:
My daughter is Aurora Lucidus Animi, Dawn of the Heart of Fire.
My son is Cercatore Filodoro, Seeker of the Thread of Gold.

(BTW, Spider promised to bind these names in safety and Oak to secure them within his arms, so that they cannot be used for their harm.)

After thanking them all, I left the clearing, returned to the sea, and awoke.

Meeting the Green Master

 In my last spirit journey, after the interlude with the jellyfish, I walked on up my path.  As usual, the woods seemed dark, the trees were tall, black, and clean-limbed.  As I walked, I practiced the exercises to open my heart, to try and accept more freely.  As I did so, the sun broke through the trees and the woods lightened up.  I stopped to look around, and it went dark again.  Whenever I concentrated and opened my heart, the sun showed through the trees and they appeared green and bright; whenever I stopped, it went dark again.  I have a lot of work to do, to learn to keep my heart open.

When I reached the clearing, my guides were there (Oak, Spider, and Swallow).  I greeted them and thanked them all for their help.  I looked to the stream, and the Green Master was there.  He/she is a guide who usually appears in an anthropomorhic form, of a person crowned with leaves and growing with leaves.  He usually works invisibly, under the surface.  This is only the second time that I have spoked to him face to face.

We talked about my wife Athena, who has been having a rough time recently.  He told me that I need to take care of her, she needs my help.  He said that she has special gifts that she gives to me, just be being who she is; just as I bring her special gifts just by being with her.  She doesn't know the gifts she brings me, and would deny it if asked; but it is true.  If I feel inadequate, or if I don't know what to do or say for her, to not get upset.  Sometimes just being there and doing what I can is all thats needed.  Keep focused on my love for her and my respect and admiration, and I will do what is needed at the right time.

I took comfort from this, and thanked the Green Master and my other guides.  I walked back down to the beach, and woke with a sense of peace and refreshed strength.

Wisdom from the Jellyfish

Last week, when walking, I was thinking of my guides and thanking those who helped me with Athena's bug bites.  I thought of the Green Master, the human-appearing spirit being who appeared in my first journey.  He/She said at the time that I may not see him much, he would be working behind the scenes to nurture and guide.  So I thought, as I often do, "Well, if he needs me to contact him he will let me know."  When all of sudden I just knew that he wanted to talk with me about something.  It wasn't urgent, but that I should try and find time in the next few weeks for a spirit journey.

As usual, I started at the seashore, on the beach studded with shells and seagrass.   I could see the beginning of the path up into the forest.  But first I turned to the sea, and spoke to it wordlessly, trying to comprehend its vastness and majesty.  I became aware that swimming in the water near my feet were several cone jellies, a harmless type of jellyfish shaped vaguely like a torpedo or a swimming cucumber with rippling lines down its sides that luminesce in the dark.  I reached out with my heart and greeted them.  One of them spoke to me, and as I admired it, it invited me to join with it and swim in the limitless sea.

I didn't follow it it body, but accompanied it in spirit into the deep sea, sometimes watching it and it's fellows flow effortlessly in the water, sometimes seeming to be a cone jelly myself.  With a transparent almost formless body that seems hardly different from the sea itself, with the sea always flowing within and through it, I felt that the jellies do not feel themselves to be solid beings who move through the water, but to be embodiments of the water.  As if they are the sea itself dreaming a form for its thoughts.

I sometimes have a fear of the deep ocean, terrified of falling forever in the blackness, not knowing which way was up, nothing solid to grasp.  How can these creatures bear to swim in this bottomless ocean, with no reference points?  It spoke to me and comforted my fears.  There is no down, there is no up.  There is nothing we are falling towards, there is not place we are going to, and nothing we are fleeing.  We simply ARE.  Immersed in the sea, fed by the sea, made of the sea, what can we fear?  What could we desire?  Let go, just BE.  The universe will sustain you, if you relax and let it happen.  If you live in the moment, you cannot get lost.  If you are not going anywhere, you don't have to worry about not getting there.

I released my fears, opened my heart, and relaxed.  My frenzied thrashing stopped, and for a brief while I knew what it was to simply exist, floating the middle of the all-sustaining void, with no needs or fears.  I will try and carry this peace and perspective with me into my life.

I thanked the jellies for the teaching, and returned to the beach.  In a later post, I will tell about the rest of my journey, and my meeting with the Green Master.

Tiger’s Breath

Near the end of our vacation in Eureka Springs, I took a spirit journey. 

I floated in the big Jacuzzi tub on the back porch, while a gorgeous full moon rose through the trees, and found my path from the sea to the forest. There was a full moon there too, shining on my right. I thought that the sun should be up too, and there it was on my left. The rays of the sun were warm and bright, but cast harsh, black shadows just like the moon; the path was interlaced with gold and silver light and black shadows. I wondered what this meant, and then knew that it was telling me that both sets of shadows were just illusions, and that the solid truth lay unchanging beneath all of them.

The path wound through the trees, and led me to the clearing.  I entered and stood in the grass, beneath the Oak tree, and just asked for any insight or guidance that might be given me; I practiced the exercises that the Reiki therapist showed me to open my heart and let whatever was offered flow in without passing judgment (see my previous post Opening the Heart). 

I felt the presence of Oak, Spider, and Bird around me, but they didn’t offer anything right away. Instead, I saw a new and somewhat daunting being emerged from the trees opposite and walked towards me. It was a very large Tiger, glowing gold and black, in a nimbus of gold and white light. He said that he was not to be my guide, but that he had come to deliver something to me, as a favor. (I was relieved; he was much too wild and powerful for me to feel very comfortable with him :)

I indicated my willingness to accept what he offered, and tried to open my heart to receive (not without some trepidation). The Tiger then breathed out a great mist of pearly white, with a pinky (or sometimes golden) cast to it. The mist enfolded me, and I just worked to stay open and try to just drink it in and accept it unconditionally. After a moment he stopped, and the remaining mist vanished. I said that I appreciated the gift, but that I didn’t know what it was. He said that when I was ready to accept it, I would know what it was, not to be impatient. 

I thanked him again, and asked what I could do to show my gratitude. He said that he would be satisfied if I would just show kindness to his little cousins, the cats. The day before, a neighborhood cat had come begging for treats when we were cooking; Athena convinced me to give him some chicken and some milk. I had done so, but with protests about how we shouldn’t. Tiger indicated that I should have been more generous hearted and given freely without protest. I said that I would try and do so in the future, and he walked back into the forest.