The Ancestors Fire Ring

Athena had had a series of dreams about my late dad, and thought that he may have a message for me. So I went on a journey tonight, to talk with my beloved ancestors...

I sat in the back yard on a large stone, and lit some mugwort on a charcoal tablet.  Using my turkey feathers I smoked myself and sang my power song; on the last verse I took flight with the feathers and soared away.

Landing on the shore of the ink-dark sea, in a windy chill night, I walked up the path into the trees.  There were tumbled stones beside the path, looking like the river rocks of Missouri.  As I entered the clearing, I saw the sun and the moon in the sky together, lacing the world with silver and gold beams.  The grass was green, but it was a bit chilly.

I greeted Oak, Swallow, Spider, and Water Drake, and thanked them for their gifts.  I told them I wanted to visit my ancestors, where should I go to do this?  They directed me to a small hillock off to the left, which was crowned with a ring of stones.  The path spiraled up around the hillock to the entrance in the ring.  I walked up and entered the ring of stones.

The ring was not large, maybe 30 ft wide, made of rough stones about shoulder height or smaller.  In the center was a large campfire, with logs and rough benches around it.  There were shadowy presences around it, I could sense that there were many generations of people who frequent this place in many layers of time.

I sat down by the fire and asked if my father would come and talk to me, and if he had a message.  Almost immediately I saw him sitting just to the right of me.  His face was illuminated by the fire light, and he was smiling at me.  He was very clear, just as I knew him for many years.

I told him how much I missed him and how much I loved and appreciated him and what he had taught me throughout me life.  He reached out his hand and we clasped hands, squeezing my hand confidently.  He told me that I would do fine, that I had strength, wisdom, and intelligence to do well and everything would work out for me and my family.  He was confident in me, and took pride in my achievements.  He reiterated that I did not need to worry that things would all work out.

He said he was very proud of my kids.  He would keep an eye on them, but that they really did not need special protection - they are both strong, intelligent, and will be successful.

We hugged, and I felt the strength in him, and it made me feel very happy.  He said that he would be happy to talk anytime I wanted, that he as always there for me.

I then asked if there was anyone else that wanted to talk to me.  I asked if my brother was there, who died years ago.  He was, and appeared nearby.  We spoke only briefly, I told him how much I appreciated his pride and confidence in me when I was growing up, that seeing myself reflected in his eyes is one thing that really helped me become a confident and successful person.

There were others, fading in and out: grandma and grandpa, grandmother, and others I had seen on previous journeys - indian men, an old indian woman, a viking man.  But none appeared for more than a moment.

I took my leave, and walked down the hill.  Thanking my guides, I returned to crystalline darkness of the sea, and flew home on my turkey feathers.

Winter Solstice 2012

Money was tight and December was rushed this year, which paradoxically meant that Solstice was very nice -- just family, quiet, darkness and fire.  We are in our back-woods house with no internet or TV.   I made a big fire in my newly rebuilt firepit.  It is great to be able to have a real, big fire, burning actual logs instead of bits of branches!

The blazing fire of peachwood from our old house and aged oak from our new house was beautiful on the cold night, and drew out Athena and the kids to sit around and talk, and roast marshmallows.  Too much mist and scattered clouds for stargazing, but a gorgeous almost-full moon sporting a huge ring - at least 35 degrees wide, fat and silvery, lasting most of the evening.

Athena sat with me a while, then Aurora came out and talked with me and we shared stories about shamanic journeys.  We played some with the bells and drums, Cercatore and Aurora made smores, and we all sat out for a long time talking and enjoying the fire.

Later, after the others went in, I sat by the fire and beat a steady rhythm with the bells Athena had bought, and drifted into non-ordinary reality.  As I listened to the bells jingle, I started to hear other bells, like harness bells approaching and jingling across the fire.  I could very clearly hear them come close and settle near the fire.  The visitors felt like travelling Sidhe, riding some kind of antlered steeds, attracted by my fire.  I welcomed them to share the fire, and put out some of my snacks and offered them freely to share.  I offered, as my part of the nights tale-telling, for them to watch the spirit journey I was about to undertake.

I  took a journey to find a spirit animal to help me in the coming year.   The seaside was dark and cold, but the sea looked like clear glass and reflected the flames of my fire; as I walked into the woods I could still feel the warmth of the fire.  As I passed the ring of trees and entered the meadow, I could see the sun and moon above bathing everything in light of mingled silver and gold.  Oak and I embraced, and I thanked him for his support and strength.  Spider met me and I thanked her for her gifts and aid in the past year, and I greeted and thanked Barn Swallow.  Then I walked on to the crystalline, tumbling stream and sat beside it, looking across to the edge of the woods beyond, and waited for someone/something to emerge.

After a bit, I could feel something hesitating just beyond sight, unsure if it should appear - apparently because it was not sure I would believe it it.  To try and lure it out, I tried asking it what it was, and tried a number of animals without getting a firm response - some recognition at snake and bird, but still not quite right.  Next I asked about its element; definitely not earth or air, positive response on both water and fire.

It finally crept out from the trees into the stream, and let me see it - it was a water-drake, a small dragon; a creature of fire and water, very snakelike, standing about 3-4 feet on two hind legs.  It said that Water had been a good friend to me and helped me a lot this last year with adaptability and acceptance of change as I moved and started a new job, but that for the challenges in front of me now I will need to add Fire to my gifts.  I thanked it, and admired its beauty; it was sometimes transparent, disappearing into the water, sometimes blue and white, curling its neck.  I could tell it could also breath flame when it needs to!

I look forward to learning more from Water-Drake, and learning to use its gifts.  What a surprising patron!

After returning to my fire, my visitors had moved on.  I doused the fire with many thanks, and left my food as a free gift to any that passed that way, and went inside.

Cross the threshold

I took a spirit journey tonight, the first real one in several months.  The last time I tried, I could not keep in the 'trance', I kept popping out of shamanic consciousness and couldn't visualize clearly.  This time I took more time, and also got some lovely nature sounds to play to put me in the right state.

I took a long time on the seashore this time.  The sky was dark twilight, clear and cool, and the ocean was crystalline and dark, like blown glass with a heart of night.  I made my way up the past the tide line, through the saw grass, and onto the path between the trees.

The path was sandy and bare, and the trees were dark with just a few new leaves appearing.  There was little undergrowth.  I slowly walk up the path, to the opening of the clearing.  As I stepped out into the clearing, the sun was shining and warm on my skin, and the lush grass was soft on my feet.  A half moon was in the sky with the sun.  I walked down a little way to the Oak tree, and gave it big hug; the slender branches stroked my back and welcomed me, not caring how long I had been away. 

I thanked Oak for all his help, then turned to my right and greeted Spider (who appeared 5 foot high and shining black).  I carefully embraced Spider (not wanting to hurt her legs) and kissed her on the head, thanking her for all the support that she has given me.  Barn Swallow came down and perched on my shoulder and greeted me, and I thanked her for her gifts and inspiration.

I asked my patrons what I should do next, and they suggested that I walk down to the stream.  I did so, and marveled at the clear, sparking water.  I took a sip of it, which felt cool and sparkling.  I asked if I should run some cards for my upcoming move, using the Celtic tree oracle cards, and they said that would be fine; Oak said he would bless them for me.

I thanked all by friends and walked out of the clearing.  As I walked down the path, it was much sunnier and there were pale wildflowers popping up around the trees, and many new green leaves appeared.  At the sea, I took another sip and felt the ocean's vast calmness there for me if I needed it, then woke up.

I got out the Celtic tree cards and laid out cards in the Three Worlds spread.  This is what I got:

Underworld: deep resources, wisdom from ancestors --
Beech
    Cross the threshold that is challenging you

Middleworld: truth at the core of the matter --
Gooseberry
    Draw on the wisdom of those who have walked the path before you

Upperworld: starry wisdom, clear insight --
Alder
    Defend your territory, and clear the way before you

I read this to mean that we should go ahead with the move, but be sure to have everything in writing and make sure everything is in order before we do it!

Retreat

Yesterday I took a day-long, private retreat on some land that a friend owns.  Except for saying Hi to a neighbor as I came in the night before, I didn't speak to a single person the entire day.  The land has a large, beautiful creek, secluded in trees, that leads back to a larger river that crosses their land; it was a day of nothing but high grasses, old trees, swift clear water, tumbled stones, sun and sky.

I started fasting the night before, and didn't eat anything all Saturday, until breakfast on Sunday.  My goal was to spend a day in contemplation, journeying, and dancing to thank the powers that have guided and aided me during this time of my life, especially Water who had promised to carry me though the turbulent rapids to a safe landing.  In spite of (or perhaps because of) the many setbacks, trials, and tests recently, my new job and location is everything I could have wanted, and will be great foundation for the future of my family.  I just heard that my previous company was just bought out and practically everyone fired, so I got out just in time!  Water told me that the process would not be easy or comfortable, but that he would carry me though if I would put my trust in him.  He was certainly right, and a big part of this retreat was to thank him and honor all my guides.

I left behind all electronic devices and locked my phone in the car, so I had the entire day and the night to follow with no clock, no contact with anyone.  It was a long, slow, but very rewarding day.  The hours seemed endless, without even meals to mark the time.  Most of the day was fine and fair, cool but with a warm sun.  I walked through the grass, waded in the cold clear creek, and spoke with the trees, birds, fish, grasshoppers, tiny frogs, wild turkey, flowers, rocks, and water.  I tried to keep myself halfway in the non-ordinary realm as much as possible, shaking my rattle and occasionally dancing.

I also brought Michael Harner's The Way of the Shaman, a classic work and well worth the reading.  He is a professional anthropologist who has studied shamanism around the world, and has himself become a shaman and worked as a student with master shaman around the world.  He gives good, practical advice for learning shamanic techniques, and also offers insights from many traditions.  He adds good scholarly and psychological perspectives, while validating shamanic reality and experiences and not trying to "explain them away" with psychology.

I sat for a long time on the gravel bar in the river, and journeyed a bit.  I never got deep into the lowerworld, but I did speak with and thank Water for his help.  I think it was too sunny for a deep trance, Harner says the most shamans work primarily at night for this reason.  So the day was more about tuning in to nature and turning off the monkey mind, communing with the beings around me.

Walking in the woods around the creek, I found a nice flat open area screened by brush.  I tried Harner's exercise "Dancing your Animal".  I shook my rattle in a steady beat, and pushed deeper into the lowerworld; then I started dancing (really just shuffling) and invited any animal that wished to come and dance through me.  I felt Spider come (she had been near me all day) and we danced as Spider.  Walking with long legs, with grace and silence; spinning a web; casting threads and pulling them to me; walking the web with confidence and care.  I do see now why traditional dancing takes place on large areas of beaten earth - when you are truly immersed in the dance it is hard to remember to watch your footing :)  This was a very rewarding and enjoyable dance, and I feel closer to Spider that ever, and I think she enjoyed it too.

Part of the time that I was dancing, the Indian I had met before in my journeys, Teacher of Boys to Men, came and danced beside me.  It was very gratifying and inspiring.

Later, after more walking and wading, I asked my guides for a power song.  This is another of Harner's suggestions.  It is a song, usually simple and repetitive, that you sing as you start a journey or other power work, to waken your guides and call them to you.  It also aids you in moving into shamanic consciousness, like the rattle or drum, by preparing your mind and becoming associated subconsciously with the transition.

I was not expecting much with this, I have never had a musical bent and have never invented even a simple tune or song.  So I was surprised when, as soon as I started dancing and beating time with my rattle, words came to me and came out of my mouth with almost no volition.  The words were evocative for me, although the song was not fully formed; I added a bit where it seemed right, and had a full verse in just a moment.  A second verse suggested itself immediately, and I sang that too.  I sang them both for a few minutes, liking them very much but feeling that they weren't powerful enough, they needed something more.  Immediately in my head appeared a third verse, that was even more powerful.  So I ended up (with almost no effort, just as Harner has said) with three verses that as I sing them step the power up 1 - 2 - 3 as they go.  I was singing them to myself in my head, still a bit shy of singing them out loud. even though nobody could hear :).  But there was no tune, it was just a chant.  So I sang them out loud, and a simple tune immediately fitted itself to the words as I sang them, which completed the song.  The tune is very simple, but perfect for humming or whistling as a repeated pattern, which is great for certain stages of power work.  So I advise anyone who tries this, sing it out loud, and proudly!  That is what it is for.

A power song is personal, but not private, so here are the words that came to me:

The Sun is my friend
The Earth is my friend
The Wind is my friend
The Water is my friend
oooo - Ah!
oooo - Ah!
(repeat 4 times)

The Sun is in my heart
The Earth is in my heart
The Wind is in my heart
The Water is in my heart
oooo - Ah!
oooo - Ah!
(repeat 4 times)

My heart is in the Sun
My heart is in the Earth
My heart is in the Wind
My heart is in the Water
oooo - Ah!
oooo - Ah!
(repeat 4 times)

Looking at this song, it reminds me strongly of various American Indian ritual songs, such as the one about the Navaho "Prayer to the Prophet" and the Osage "Rising of the Buffalo Men" http://members.cox.net/academia/songs.html.

During the day I was also gifted with several things.  A lovely feather was laid across the path directly in front of me.  Several nice acorns were left out for me.  A fragment of broken stone called out to me as a symbol of Earth.  My attention was drawn to a nice stone in the creek at one point, which I admired but left there; a few hours later it called out to me more forcefully and said it was offered by Water.  At one point I was admiring a walnut on a walnut tree, when it came off into my hand as a gift.

After receiving the feather and the stone fragment, and some of the acorns, I returned to the camp where I was leaving my things.  I started to set my gifts down so I could go walk so more, but a spider web caught my hand just as I was putting the feather down and pulled it back to my chest; Spider clearly wanted me to keep the feather with me.  So I threaded it on the medallion that Athena gave me, that I always wear when doing shamanic or Reiki work, and wore it all day. 

In the evening, I was thinking of what I wanted to do that night.  I had been considering going to retrieve a power animal for Athena to help with the stress and worry that she has been dealing with, but I was not sure if this was the right thing to do.  So I pulled out the Celtic Tree Oracle cards I had brought, and did the 5-card spread to ask how I could best help her in this time.

The answer was surprisingly clear:
Primary card -
Blackberry: Gather in what is dearest to you
Clarifying cards -
Scots Pine: Seek an overview
Apple: Vision lights the way ahead
Ivy: Strength comes from accepting support
Ash: Strength grows from deep roots

To me this was suprisingly clear: focus on "gathering her in", keeping her close in my heart.  Keep an eye on the long view, and trust our vision of the road ahead.  Give and accept support from her, to help us both, and keep strong the roots of our love.  She doesn't need a power animal to help her though this -- she needs me, and I need her, and together we have the strength and vision to succeed.  This was confirmed later when I tried to make a journey for her, just in case; I was gently but firmly "kicked out" and told that this was not what I needed to do.

As it began to get dark, I took my things to the gravel bar in the river, where I planned to spend the night meditating and journeying.  As I was leaving the camp, I started to get a bit freaked out by the dark under the trees; I could see enough to walk by I knew it would be spooky in the woods.  Just as I was thinking that, I walked into two long strong spider web strands that wrapped around my forehead on over my ears, just like a circlet.  I immediately knew that Spider had provided me protection, that it would make me safe from anything that walked the night.  I felt much better!  I sang my power song as I went through the woods, just to make sure that I was power-full and would be safe from any bad energy.

I sat on the gravel bank on a deck chair as it got dark, with just a small candle burning, and tried to journey.  But I think by this time I was too tired, I could not keep the concentration and kept coming back up.  After a while I accepted this; I had already received so much this day that I was not disappointed.

I watched the stars and the water, talked a bit with Water, and communed with nature as night fell.  It was slightly overcast, so there was enough reflected light around that I could see, especially over the white river rocks.  The clouds thickened, and I felt an occasional soft drop of rain, but not too much.  The water was ink-black and mysterious, shimmering in the dark and talking with a thousand voices.  The birds, crickets, and frogs answered, and the wind whispered over it all.  The rocks spoke as I walked, and listened to it all.

I dozed occasionally, and walked and listened.  Late in the night (maybe after midnight?) the wind picked up and it got much colder, and it started to sprinkle in earnest, and I decided on the better part of valor.  I took the candle (in a perforated ceramic holder) and walked back to the camp.  I spent the rest of the night in the camping trailer, with the heater on :)  The weather forecast had been for clear skies and mid 60s, but it ended up with light rain and mid 40s, so I was very happy to be dry and warm for the rest of the night!

Some things I learned for the future:

1. Don't plan to stay awake and working all night.  I was just too sleepy to focus well during the late night.

2. Starting the fast the night before may not have been a good idea, and maybe a light breakfast would have been good.  I was getting rather fuzzy by nightfall and did not have enough energy to really do as much as I had hoped.  The purpose is not to become weak and drowsy, but just to separate yourself from the needs and physical comforts of the day.  It would be better to have more energy going into the evening, so that the early night time can be used to its best advantage.

3. Plan better for changes in the weather!

I really loved this day of contemplation and listening.  I feel like I got a lot out of it.  I received several wonderful gifts, and I really had time to talk with and thank all my patrons and guides. 

An offering to Spider

While waiting in the lobby before the start of my interview, I reached out to the spiders in the building to tell me about the company.  Spiders are everywhere, and pay attention to everything :)

The spiders said that people there were cheerful and got along, although there was often stress about short deadlines; it didn't seem any worse than most software companies and better than many.  I asked them to use their influence to help me get an offer, if this was the right place for me.

The interview went well, and we came home.  The next day my wife suggested that I should make an offering to Spider, to thank her for her help.  This sounded like a good thing to do.  That evening I collected several things from my past: some vines of last year's tomato plants, some nice yarn I had been saving for years, and a large red and blue glass bead.  I wove a spiderweb on the vines, and threaded the bean onto the center.

The next question was what to do with it.  Should I burn it?  Throw it into the drainage canal behind the house?   Then the thought popped into my head, that I should take it down to the park nearby, onto the bridge that crossed the steam, and cast it away there, for any person or thing to find if they choose. 

That is what I did.  I dedicated the web to Spider in the backyard, then walked down and stood on the bridge: suspended between places, above the waters of change, in the twilight between day and night.  I called out to Spider, and to Oak, Water, and all good things.  I declared I felt that this job was the right thing for me and my family, and that I accepted and welcomed the changes and challenges that this would mean for us; that it would mean good for me and good for the company; and that I wished that anyone who could hear me would do what they could to make this happen.  I tossed the web out into the shadows and turned from it, hoping that my willingness to surrender things that I had been hoarding would be seen as a sign of my willingness to move forward into new things.

Webs

After my conversation with Oak, I turned and saw Spider. I asked her what she though of what Oak has said about the different ways in which animals and plants relate to the Tao. She said that spiders have a different perspective. Spiders live within the currents of what is, but in an active, not passive fashion. Spiders flow with the Tao, but they also spin webs. The webs stretch across the currents, interacting with the flow but without disrupting it. Spiders never make useless webs. Wherever you see a web, it was put there because a spider knew that some creature's destiny would bring it to that place at the right time for it to die. Webs stretch across the Tao, through space and time, both responding to and revealing its flow to those who can see. Across these unseen connections, the spiders dance.

A gift of names

A spirit journey tonight, after a very full week.  No particular goal in mind, it just felt right to take one.

The Harvest Moon was out, glowing silver.  As I walked through the woods, I worked on opening my heart.  Gradually the woods lightened and I could see green leaves on the trees around; not full light, but it was steady.  I think I am making progress.

In the clearing, the sun was shining.  I walked up to the Oak, and embraced it, thanking it for the strength and help it has given me.  Spider and Swallow appeared also, and I thanked them each for the special help and gifts they have been giving me recently.  My wife struck her head recently and after returning from the hospital I was trying Reiki on it.  I asked Spider to help knit the flesh together again and to help it heal cleanly, and I felt a definite response; I know Athena felt it too because she immediately said "Ow!" :)

Oak said that he was glad to give me his strength; he then leaned down and placed a nut in my hands.  It looked delicious and I ate it.  Then I asked what it was, and Oak said that is was strength for me to have when I needed it.

I walked over to the stream, running swift and clear.  The water tasted cold and wonderful, and I also laved my face and head with it.  It was so refreshing! 

Then I turned to my guides and asked them if there was anything they could tell me.  Spider spoke, saying that I should look around me and see where the threads of my life were, that I needed to stay aware of who and what I had included in my web and to keep them in my heart to stay in balance.  I looked around and there were many heart-threads from me to Athena, my son, my daughter, and others in my life.  It was all part of a large web that was beautiful and elaborate, that we all spun together by caring and reaching to each other.  Spider told me to keep aware of this, and know that I needed to be a dependable anchor for my threads, and that I could also get support and comfort from these threads; that we are all balanced in a web of love, helping each other.

As I looked at the threads that lead to my son and daughter, my guides said that it was time I gave (or learned?) their names.   They appeared to me as subtle concepts, and with a little work and help I determined that they should have this form:
My daughter is Aurora Lucidus Animi, Dawn of the Heart of Fire.
My son is Cercatore Filodoro, Seeker of the Thread of Gold.

(BTW, Spider promised to bind these names in safety and Oak to secure them within his arms, so that they cannot be used for their harm.)

After thanking them all, I left the clearing, returned to the sea, and awoke.

Healing the itchies

Well, its been a while since I posted.  Life has a way of getting very complex!  I am trying to get back on my path, and take some time again for personal growth

Last week, Athena got a very bad case of itchy bug bites, possibly chiggers.  I got a few, but she got a lot and the itching was driving her crazy.  She asked me to use Reiki to help.  I gave it a try, and asked for help from Oak and Spider in getting the poison out of her.  I felt them help; Oak seemed to have an affinity with the malady and was able to counter some of the irritation, and Spider cast her web to try and catch the poison and drag it out.  I also set up a circular circuit of energy into her ankle and back out into my hand, where I could catch and hold it it briefly and then dispose of it.  Athena reported an intense feeling of energy, and I just pulled as hard as I could.  I felt a lot of bad energy come out, cold and tingly.  She said that it felt much more comfortable, and it continued to improve over the next several days.

An intense journey

 Things have been rough at work last week, when I was home sick with the stomach flu.  A number of layoffs, revelations of some stupid management decisions in the past, loss of some big accounts.  My job itself is not in danger, unless the company collapses but there is a lot of panic and worry going around.  Can the company pull out of this?  I think so, but it will be hard.

I decided that I needed to ask for some guidance, if there is anything I should do now about the situation.  Should I be looking for a new job?  Hunker down and ride it out? Working overtime?  Wait and see?  I am too worried and confused to decide, so I will take a spirit journey and see what my guides have to say.

It starts well, it is a cold clear night there, very dark but with a brilliant moon just past full.  Lots of very dark shadows and dazzling silver gleams.  On the way up the path through the woods, I become aware of a group of animals on the side of the path.  There a number of small animals, it is hard to make them out.  A badger? A bobcat? Plus squirrels, chipmunks, mice, assorted birds.  Also suggestions of a human figure, in a feathered costume.  Maybe a bear in the background.   They are all in the dark, with just glimmers visible.  

I stop to talk with them, and ask them if there is anything I need to do for them.  I was just reading of someone else's journey, where they negotiated about an offering.  Should I be making any particular offerings?  They respond that each person finds the way that works best for them, that there are many paths and modes of relating to the spirit world.  Some people find a traditional framework of offerings or rituals beneficial or even essential, but for others this would not work.  I should just listen to my heart to see if there is anything I need to do.  However, not that I mention it, I HAD made a promise to the Greenman several months ago to get a plaque and hang it at the barn, in gratitude for his help.  I still have not done this.  They explain that it is not that anyone is angry or hurt about this, but that it is an unfulfilled promise and that it will burden me and interfere with my progress.  I recommit to obtaining the plaque soon, and they allow me to move on.

When I arrive at the meadow, the Tree is there close by.  He immediately reaches down a large knarled hand and clasps my hand, in a very firm and reassuring grip.  He pours lots of comfort and energy into me; I relax and let the fear drain out and let the healing energy fill me.  I feel very comforted and loved.  I spend several minutes just soaking in this, letting it heal me and wash out negative energy.

Then I ask the Tree, and anyone else who is listening, if there is anything I should do about my work situation.  Spider responds by giving me a blast of energy, that makes me feel light and happy, enlarged and powerful, but my feet remain planted in the earth.  I gather that this means that I can stay where I am, that the situation will be healed and we will grow and prosper again.    Part of me is suspicious because this is what I really wanted to hear; am I deluding myself or is this really what me guides advise me?

Spider, perhaps a little out of patience with my doubts, then turns to me.  She is about as big as a hippopatamus, broad and massive.  She bites me hard right in my stomach!  She holds on and chews for a minute.  It hurts, but not unbearably.  It feels however like it is kindly meant.  From her jaws flows into me a huge wave of tingling energy.  I feel myself swell like a glowing balloon, until I am bigger that the entire clearing and I cannot see my feet.  But I feel very excited and happy, and full of power.  I can feel the enegy building up in me; I put out my hands and it pours out through my hands as a white light.

Spider says that this means that I have the power in myself to turn the situation at work; I have a gift for programming and can help to motivate the others if neccessary.  That I can make a success of whatever job I am in; I can stay where I am and make it work, or if I choose I can find a new place at make a success there.  That I am free to choose, but I don't need to worry too much about the future of the company.
I leave them with many thanks, and return. 

It was not exactly a comfortable journey, but I did find out what I needed.

A second visit with Spider and Swallow

I went on a short spirit journey again tonight.  It has been a tumultuous week, and I am very tired; but I am going to set down what happened now while it is fresh in my mind.

I used the same technique as before.  The sky this time was cloudy, with ast moving patches of dark clouds.  The light is grayer and dimmer, almost like twilight.  Sometimes I can see the sun, lower in the sky.  Sometimes I see the bright full moon – the silvery light/shadow seems to touch everything.
  

In the clearing is the tree.  It seems larger this time, with a fuller crown.  I embrace it, and thank it for helping me.  I put both hands on the trunk and let the Reiki energy flow in and out.  I feel its goodwill, and know that it is always there with support and strength for me.

I look around.  The Green Master is not in evidence.  After a moment I become aware that the spider is here though.  I see her on a low branch of the tree that extends over the stream.  She appears very clearly, a small black spider walking on the branch.  I ask if she was the spider that walked over my horse’s bandages this morning; she says yes.  She makes no promises of the future, but tells me that she is doing well now, that she is strong, and that what we are doing now is the right course for her at this time.

A moment later I see her walking out over the stream on the branch.  She is carrying a large shining white egg sack.  I am a little concerned, I find egg sacks kind of creepy and worry that a million baby spiders are going to core crawling out (ick!).  The spider tells me not to be silly and calm down.  After a few moments I get control of myself and stop trying to guess/force what is going to happen, and just try to sit back, watch, and learn.  She flicks it into the air over the water, and it releases thousands of tiny white balloonist spiders, floating on tiny gossamer threads into the air.  The breeze takes them out over the grass to the forest, and over the forest.  Many land in the grass or in the trees, several land in my tree.  Once they land, I cannot see them but I know they are there.

These are not her bodily children, this is a lesson she it teaching me.  My first understanding of it is this: the world around me is filled with life.  No matter where I am, there are tiny living things near which share this life with me, and can help me if I ask with an open heart.  I am never alone, never separated from the web of life around me.  I feel there is more for me to learn, but for now I put the image in my heart for later.

Now I look up and the bird is flying down from the tree. He is circling around the trunk and coming down towards me, crying “News!  News!  I have news!”  As he comes close, I ask what news.  He says that he carries news and stories all over the world, from place to place.  Anything he hears he carries to his friends and it spreads outward.  This is what he wants me to know: Any kind word, or generous act, spreads out through the world like ripples on a pond, touching everyone.  This is what ties the world together: kind thoughts and deeds given freely without thought of return.

At this I see the second meaning of the spider’s act.  The tiny children of our spirits, our wishes, hopes, and dreams, must be set free into the world to land where they will.  They must not be held too close, or protected too much, but must be free to travel the wind and make their homes where they will.  If they go freely into the world with our love, then they will freely return that love to us in ever new and surprising ways.

I thank them all very much, what wonderful gifts they have given me today.  I walk back down the path, and awake.

Help from the spider

As I wrote a while ago, the spiders in the barn gave me a symbol/spell to use to help my wife's horse's hooves.  I have used it now a number of times.  I am getting a better understanding of it now, it is definitely a symbol to catch and cast out "bad stuff": diseased tissue, foreign material, infection, etc.  She really needs it, she has subsolar abcesses on both front feet and is sloughing off the soles.  There is probably rotation, but the coffin bone has not emerged through the sole yet (fingers crossed, that would be very bad).  We are working hard now to keep her feet clean and free from infection.  She has to drain off any remaining dead tissue from the abcess and get the exposed sole laminae to harden so she can walk on them before the bone can break through.  She is game for it, and we are all working hard with her!  

Today after cleaning and packing her feet with antibiotics, a small spider appeared on her bandage and ran across it a few times as if checking it out, then into the grass beside her.  I hope this is a sign from Spider that She is helping her, and that she is on the mend.

My first spirit journey

I decide to try a spirit journey, to hopefully meet my spirit guide(s) and/or guardian animal(s).  I am going to use a directed meditation based on one of my Reiki teacher's exercises and some online articles. I am going to float in my bath -- this is my favorite relaxation spot, very private and peaceful. I can float safely there without risk of going under, the tub is not big enough for me to go under without an effort :)  

I turn on some music, light a candle, turn out the lights, and get comfortable. I concentrate on breathing. The warm water and floating feeling is very helpful. I can feel my heartbeat very strongly, resonating through the water and bouncing back to me. The rhythm is steady and gentle; I accept this as my drum. I listen to the beat and let other thoughts drift away, sinking into it.

I am on a beach, a northern ocean beach with sawgrass and tough-looking weeds growing above the tide line. I follow a path up the bank into a forest. The trees are thin and clean limbed, black barked, tall, with leaves only high above. In spite of their somewhat forbidding aspect, I feel that they are friendly. The light filters down in shafts and flickering patches to the ground below. The undergrowth is open and the path is scattered with sand and many small stones of many sizes and colors. I know that these are the gifts of the earth, and show that he supports me in my journey.

I approach a clearing. It feels large, but I am unsure about how big it is. It is open, with thick green grass and a stream running though it. There is a tree in the the middle, next to the stream. The tree is tall, somewhat scraggledy, with a high crown and only a few leafy branches down low. I am pretty sure it is an oak, but sometimes I feel like it is an apple: I think because it reminds me of an apple tree I loved when I was growing up, where I had a tree house. Most people would not look twice at the tree, it is lopsided and not "pretty". But it is vigorous, exuberant, and obviously loves living. As I come up and stand beside it, a small branch comes down and strokes my hair a few times. I feel very welcome, and I sit down against the tree and look at the stream.

I relax, and send out an invitation to my guides to let me see them. I immediately see a figure to my left, standing. He seems to be wrapped in a concealing cloak of white with green & blue highlights. I cannot see his face, it is as if he is veiled with a thick mist that wraps around him. I feel that the veil is in fact my sceptical nature, that does not want to believe in all this; so I do some breathing exercises and try to relax into acceptance and push away my disbelief. After some effort, it works: I see his face. It it pale, and he seems to be crowned in leaves and to have leaves growing from is cheekbones and temples. The leaves are holly-shaped, white, with edges and highlights of green and blue. He laughes, and I feel that this is just an appearance he has chosen, because he know it will be evocative to me, and he enjoys it. ('He' is neither male nor female, or both; it makes as little sense or difference that it would for a tree) We 'speak' a little; he is pleased that I can see him. He says that nearly all people he and his collegues help never become aware of them, but that it is a great pleasure when they do.  The being does not give a name, but when I suggest that I call him Green Master he finds it amusing and accepts the title.

I then ask the Green Master if I could meet some of my guardian animals.  He indicates that I should look to my right.  Just behind me to my right is an animal that I have a lot of trouble perceiving.  It seems to be some kind of insect or spider, I think it is a spider.  Now, I have for many years had a strong fear of spiders!  I have been trying to work through this in the past year or two.  Learing to communicate with them has helped a lot, it is hard to be afraid of someone you know.  The spider spirit beside me seems quiet, helpful and friendly, but I am nervous and I think this is interfering with my ability to see her clearly: sometimes she seems tiny, sometimes as big as a horse, never the same for a moment.  I feel that it is not her, but my fear that is causing this.  We both agree that I need to work on this :D

I then become aware of something fluttering around above my head.  It is a bird, small, about the size of a barn swallow, in constant motion above my head.  I catch flashes of blue, gray, and some orange; kind of like bluebird colors but it is not a bluebird.  He moves like a barn swallow, always swooping and fluttering.  He will not sit still, he seems very excited and happy.  A very bubbly, happy spirit.

I thank them for being there with me, for showing themselves to me, and for helping me.  I ask if there is anything that they would like from me, they both say that they just want me to try and be aware and listen when they have a message for me.  I promise to try and do this.

Now it seems time to return.  I say goodbye to the spider and the bird, and the Green Master, and thank the tree for its support.  I walk back down the path to the sea, gradually waking up.  When I reach the beach, I put down a hand and scoop up some sea water; I feel this as a splash and rush of energy that moves through me and is gone.  Then I open my eyes and wake up.

I am amazed at all this.  Some questions have been answered, and many new possibilities have opened.  The Green Master is my spirit guide for this time, and watching over and protecting me in my life are the spider, the swallow, and the tree.  I could not ask for better.

Help from the Green Man

My wife's horse is doing better, her abscess broke out and drained on Sunday. On Wednesday she had told me that it would break out over the weekend, and she was right :D. The circle of protection helped, I think. I charged it up again several times. It was interesting; from inside I could pour in more energy, but from outside I could not touch the energy, I could only touch the barrier and strengthen it. I left it open at the top and bottom to draw earth-energy and heaven-energy for her. She said that it helped her feel better, especially on Saturday when there was a horse show on the premises and lots of strange people going by.

Also on Friday the spiders I had asked for help suggested a web symbol for her hoof, which I used. I don't know what it did, I don't think there was a lot of power in it, but it was offered with kindness and much appreciated. I think it was intended to help catch and cast out the infected tissue. I used to be very frightened of spiders, but since I started communicating with them my fear is almost gone and I have a lot of respect for them and try to treat them well.

On Monday I had a strange experience.

Monday morning my wife's horse was walking much better, but then she coliced. (Colic is an intense intestinal pain, often caused by a blockage. In horses, it can be deadly). We called the vet and while we were waiting we were madly walking her back and forth (she can't be allowed to roll, she could twist her gut). She was in a lot of pain. I was walking beside her doing all the Reiki I could do. The Cho Ku Rei worked well, I was getting a lot of power, but it wasn't enough. I tried the distance-healing symbol, directing the energy back in time to early in the morning just before the blockage formed; trying to reduce its effects or disrupt the formation so that it would break up more easily in the present. I couldn't quite remember the symbol, but I remembered what it felt like to use it, so I did my best to recreate that and I could feel it working. Within a 30 seconds she had calmed down, and was in much less distress. She was still having discomfort, but not nearly so bad. 

She was worn out, and laid down. This is a danger time, because if she starts to roll she can really hurt herself. I sent out a call for anything that could help her, and on impulse asked for help from the Green Man (which I had been reading about online the day before). The image of the Green Man is one that has always felt significant to me. I immediately felt a very large flux of power coming in from all around, that felt like a green wave. I channeled it into her and she relaxed. It kept flowing for a few minutes and I let it flow into her, and as it tapered off she began to look better. She sat quietly without trying to roll. The vet arrived a few minutes later and gave her a muscle relaxant, and she was soon eating grass and feeling much better.

She is back to normal now (although tired) and the vet says there is no sign of a blockage. She thinks it may have been gas, which can happen when a horse is stressed. That could be (and we are treating her accordingly). But a part of me wonders if sending the energy back in time didn't un-make the blockage? I don't really know what happed, but I am very glad that I could help her. I am especially glad that help came to me when I needed it.

After my Level 2 class

The Reiki level 2 class with was wonderful.  I have been using the symbols with my wife's horse a lot this week; she is in a lot of pain with (I think) a hoof abscess that is trying to break out. The Cho Ku Rei is very effective, and really ramps up the energy level. Yesterday, after settling her in her stall for the night, I tried to lay a ring of protection and healing around the stall and fill it with energy for her – it was a sudden impulse and the symbols to use just came to me and seemed right. Assistance from my guides? That is what it felt like. What an exciting journey! I also asked the moon and several spiders, who were watching, to watch over her and help her.