Webs

After my conversation with Oak, I turned and saw Spider. I asked her what she though of what Oak has said about the different ways in which animals and plants relate to the Tao. She said that spiders have a different perspective. Spiders live within the currents of what is, but in an active, not passive fashion. Spiders flow with the Tao, but they also spin webs. The webs stretch across the currents, interacting with the flow but without disrupting it. Spiders never make useless webs. Wherever you see a web, it was put there because a spider knew that some creature's destiny would bring it to that place at the right time for it to die. Webs stretch across the Tao, through space and time, both responding to and revealing its flow to those who can see. Across these unseen connections, the spiders dance.

The view from the trees

Continuing on my spirit journey...

The impetus that I had to make this journey was concern about a news story I heard on the radio, that oak trees across much of North America were not producing acorns this year. Acorn production naturally varies from year to year, sometimes heavy, sometimes light, but always some. But this year huge numbers of trees are producing no acorns at all. What was wrong? I resolved to ask Oak about it.

When I arrived in the clearing, I saw Oak standing tall and full, vibrant and alive; I immediately felt relieved. I expressed my concern to Oak, and asked what was happening? Were the trees dying? Was is global warming, parasites? Is there anything I could do?

Oak told me not to worry. Yes, many trees this year were not producing acorns. This was not something that they chose, nor was it something that they were forced to do: they just perceived that this was the right thing to do right now. This confused me somewhat, so Oak drew me into its awareness, so that I could to some extent see the world the way trees see it.

Trees are intensely bound up with the natural flow of what is, something I can only compare to the Tao. Animals have intentions and make choices, and can act either in harmony or opposition to this flow. Simpler animals generally follow the Tao spontaneously, and live their lives in harmony. More complex animals may act in response to fears or desires that pull them in different ways, and can get out of sync, moving against the flow. Humans are the worst at this, often not even being aware that their choices and actions continually make life more difficult and stressful.

Plants cannot move against the Tao. At each moment, a plant simply does what is right for it to do, without plan or intention. An animal lives within the flow, and can move with or against the flow; but a plant IS the flow. It is a spontaneous expression of what is at each moment, unbent by intentions. Plants do not fear or desire, they simple dwell in awareness of what is, was, and shall be, and their growth and life is a dance expressing this. Only humans ask Why, or If.

Are the trees dying? They don't know, and it doesn't worry them. They know that time flows in ever-repeating cycles, that winter follows summer. Across the rhythm of the seasons there are larger rhythms of growth and waning, and that nothing stays the same, that there will be a time when the trees will wane, just as there is for all things. They will pass when it is right, without fear, whether in a nuclear winter or the slow death of the sun.

Oak did reveal something of what the trees perceive of what will be. They are withholding their acorns this year; the energy and vitality that would normally go out to them is being pulled inward and concentrated. This is building a huge reservoir of energy, which they will use for some important purpose in the near future. The trees don't know what the purpose will be. They just know that when the time is right it will be used, to the benefit of all. I asked for more details, what is this great plan of the trees? What will they do? They don't know. Being trees, they have no plan, no intention, they just perceive that there will be a time soon when they will act.

Ancestor

I took a spirit journey the other night.  It was clear and cool at the shore, the sky was clear and the stars lucent; Jupiter and Venus in conjunction with the crescent moon were brilliant.  The sea was crystalline and dark.  I walked up the path into the trees.
I was well into the woods when I saw a man standing beside the path ahead of me.  He was an Indian (Native American) man, in traditional plains attire with feathered and beaded boots.  He smiled at me, and took a few dance steps/stomps, and guestured for me to do the same.  I did, and he smiled and did a few more; for a few minutes he danced softly with me, encouraging me to stand pround and strut in the dance.  He said that he was proud of me, and that I should be proud of myself.
I am a quiet, gentle, soft-spoken person, uninterested in sports.  Although I am a tribe member, I know practically nothing of my tribe's traditional culture or language.  He said that this does not make me less of a man, or less of an Indian.  Although I have not followed the traditional paths, and have never been made a man by the traditional rituals, I have found my own paths and have earned my manhood and my place by my own experiences, wisdom, and gifts; and I need apologize to no one.  Strength is shown in gentleness, and wisdom in tolerance.  He is proud to claim me as a descendant.
With thanks, we parted and I continued up the path.

A gift of names

A spirit journey tonight, after a very full week.  No particular goal in mind, it just felt right to take one.

The Harvest Moon was out, glowing silver.  As I walked through the woods, I worked on opening my heart.  Gradually the woods lightened and I could see green leaves on the trees around; not full light, but it was steady.  I think I am making progress.

In the clearing, the sun was shining.  I walked up to the Oak, and embraced it, thanking it for the strength and help it has given me.  Spider and Swallow appeared also, and I thanked them each for the special help and gifts they have been giving me recently.  My wife struck her head recently and after returning from the hospital I was trying Reiki on it.  I asked Spider to help knit the flesh together again and to help it heal cleanly, and I felt a definite response; I know Athena felt it too because she immediately said "Ow!" :)

Oak said that he was glad to give me his strength; he then leaned down and placed a nut in my hands.  It looked delicious and I ate it.  Then I asked what it was, and Oak said that is was strength for me to have when I needed it.

I walked over to the stream, running swift and clear.  The water tasted cold and wonderful, and I also laved my face and head with it.  It was so refreshing! 

Then I turned to my guides and asked them if there was anything they could tell me.  Spider spoke, saying that I should look around me and see where the threads of my life were, that I needed to stay aware of who and what I had included in my web and to keep them in my heart to stay in balance.  I looked around and there were many heart-threads from me to Athena, my son, my daughter, and others in my life.  It was all part of a large web that was beautiful and elaborate, that we all spun together by caring and reaching to each other.  Spider told me to keep aware of this, and know that I needed to be a dependable anchor for my threads, and that I could also get support and comfort from these threads; that we are all balanced in a web of love, helping each other.

As I looked at the threads that lead to my son and daughter, my guides said that it was time I gave (or learned?) their names.   They appeared to me as subtle concepts, and with a little work and help I determined that they should have this form:
My daughter is Aurora Lucidus Animi, Dawn of the Heart of Fire.
My son is Cercatore Filodoro, Seeker of the Thread of Gold.

(BTW, Spider promised to bind these names in safety and Oak to secure them within his arms, so that they cannot be used for their harm.)

After thanking them all, I left the clearing, returned to the sea, and awoke.

On the Quest of the Fabled Jewels of Slo-Na-Impah

Many seek to find the city of Slo-Na-Impah, of which many tales are told, and plunder the great caverns of their living jewels.  Those who attempt this great theft have always come to grief.  They are devoured by the terrible guardians of the treasure, who pursue them unsleeping across chasms and seas, and never fail in their duty.  For the great green serpents Malice and Envy, and fire-eyed salamanders Greed and Hatred, surround then always and will be found even in the eyes of their dearest friends.

I myself have journeyed thence, but with a different aim.  By walking humbly as a supplicant, and with honesty and an open heart, I was granted the boon to gaze for a time upon the great jewels, blazing under the starlight like stars themselves, each with a color never seen before or since.  I walked away with empty hands, but with a far greater treasure.  For having seen their jeweled colors shine, I carry in my heart the memory that can never be lost.  I do not desire to see these wonders gripped within my fist, or closed with in a box; or even chained around the neck of a woman where they must either shame her beauty or be shamed by it.

And my greatest treasure is the knowlege that the jewels remain free and unbound.  If someday I shall chance upon a traveller in a inn who has likewise seen these wonders, what shall equal our richness?  For as we share with each other our memories of their beauty, each will awaken in the other memories yet more wonderful, shared freely, unstained by any dark thought.  What finer treasure is there, than that which can never be stolen, and as it is shared only grows more splendid? 

-- with thanks to Lord Dunsany

Wheeling Within

A poem, written at the quiet suggestion of Barn Swallow, to send out into the world...

I walk to the river,
The river of peace,
The river of dreams,
Jordan, Niger, Tigris, Anduin,
The runs from the mountains to the sea,
That carries our hopes, our prayers, our dead, our souls,
That waters the roots of the world.

I sit by the tree,
The tree of strength,
The tree of protection,
The tree of inspiration,
Yggrasil, Oak, Ash,
Tent pole of the heavens,
Giver of gifts,
Rooted in the earth,
Home to the birds that carry our dreams to heaven.
The tree is the river.

I gaze at the mountain,
The mountain of majesty,
The mountain of power,
Olympus, Fuji, Golgotha,
Home of the gods,
Forge of the earth,
Axis Mundi,
Bed of the sleeping giant,
Doorway to the ancients.
The mountain is the tree.
    The tree is the river.

I dance in the circle,
The circle of drums,
The circle of life,
The circle of hands,
Where dance the ancestors and the animal powers,
And are sung the mysteries,
In strophy and antistrophy.
The circle is the mountain.
    The mountain is the tree.
        The tree is the river.

I kneel at the altar,
The altar of reverence,
The altar of sacrifice,
The chamber of relics,
Where flows the grace, the grain, the blood,
The sacrifice of Demeter's daughter,
The rebirth of heaven's son.
The altar is the circle.
    The circle is the mountain.
        The mountain is the tree.
            The tree is the river.

I furrow the earth,
The earth of our crops,
The soil of our future,
The cradle of our death,
Gaia, Earth, Geb, Demeter,
Foundation of the world,
Mother of all that lives,
Source of the harvest,
The dust from which we came and will return.
The earth is the altar.
    The altar is the circle.
        The circle is the mountain.
            The mountain is the tree.
                The tree is the river.

I look to the sky,
The sky of stars,
The sky of mysteries,
The vault of the heavens,
The firmament, the crystaline sphere,
Where is scattered the stars and the wandering planets,
That taught us of time,
Hours, years, and centuries,
And the movements of the worlds through the river of stars.
The sky is the earth.
    The earth is the alar.
        The altar is the circle.
            The circle is the mountain.
                The mountain is the tree.
                    The tree is the river.
                        The river is the sky.
                            The sky is the earth...

Endings and beginnings...

"Endings are foretold in beginnings, young human," Moriana said, "and the seeds of destruction are sown at creation."  The dragoness smiled, a toothy sight.  "But if you're fortunate, you're able to come around again to start anew."

"Is it always the same, honored Moriana?" I asked, my child's voice not yet broken by adolescence.  I hopped from dragon print to dragon print, pressed deep in the leaf mold.  "The same ending and beginning?"

"For some," the dragoness admitted.  "But for others, it is the spiraling song of the lark ascending."

-- Covenants, by Lorna Freeman

Meeting the Green Master

 In my last spirit journey, after the interlude with the jellyfish, I walked on up my path.  As usual, the woods seemed dark, the trees were tall, black, and clean-limbed.  As I walked, I practiced the exercises to open my heart, to try and accept more freely.  As I did so, the sun broke through the trees and the woods lightened up.  I stopped to look around, and it went dark again.  Whenever I concentrated and opened my heart, the sun showed through the trees and they appeared green and bright; whenever I stopped, it went dark again.  I have a lot of work to do, to learn to keep my heart open.

When I reached the clearing, my guides were there (Oak, Spider, and Swallow).  I greeted them and thanked them all for their help.  I looked to the stream, and the Green Master was there.  He/she is a guide who usually appears in an anthropomorhic form, of a person crowned with leaves and growing with leaves.  He usually works invisibly, under the surface.  This is only the second time that I have spoked to him face to face.

We talked about my wife Athena, who has been having a rough time recently.  He told me that I need to take care of her, she needs my help.  He said that she has special gifts that she gives to me, just be being who she is; just as I bring her special gifts just by being with her.  She doesn't know the gifts she brings me, and would deny it if asked; but it is true.  If I feel inadequate, or if I don't know what to do or say for her, to not get upset.  Sometimes just being there and doing what I can is all thats needed.  Keep focused on my love for her and my respect and admiration, and I will do what is needed at the right time.

I took comfort from this, and thanked the Green Master and my other guides.  I walked back down to the beach, and woke with a sense of peace and refreshed strength.

Wisdom from the Jellyfish

Last week, when walking, I was thinking of my guides and thanking those who helped me with Athena's bug bites.  I thought of the Green Master, the human-appearing spirit being who appeared in my first journey.  He/She said at the time that I may not see him much, he would be working behind the scenes to nurture and guide.  So I thought, as I often do, "Well, if he needs me to contact him he will let me know."  When all of sudden I just knew that he wanted to talk with me about something.  It wasn't urgent, but that I should try and find time in the next few weeks for a spirit journey.

As usual, I started at the seashore, on the beach studded with shells and seagrass.   I could see the beginning of the path up into the forest.  But first I turned to the sea, and spoke to it wordlessly, trying to comprehend its vastness and majesty.  I became aware that swimming in the water near my feet were several cone jellies, a harmless type of jellyfish shaped vaguely like a torpedo or a swimming cucumber with rippling lines down its sides that luminesce in the dark.  I reached out with my heart and greeted them.  One of them spoke to me, and as I admired it, it invited me to join with it and swim in the limitless sea.

I didn't follow it it body, but accompanied it in spirit into the deep sea, sometimes watching it and it's fellows flow effortlessly in the water, sometimes seeming to be a cone jelly myself.  With a transparent almost formless body that seems hardly different from the sea itself, with the sea always flowing within and through it, I felt that the jellies do not feel themselves to be solid beings who move through the water, but to be embodiments of the water.  As if they are the sea itself dreaming a form for its thoughts.

I sometimes have a fear of the deep ocean, terrified of falling forever in the blackness, not knowing which way was up, nothing solid to grasp.  How can these creatures bear to swim in this bottomless ocean, with no reference points?  It spoke to me and comforted my fears.  There is no down, there is no up.  There is nothing we are falling towards, there is not place we are going to, and nothing we are fleeing.  We simply ARE.  Immersed in the sea, fed by the sea, made of the sea, what can we fear?  What could we desire?  Let go, just BE.  The universe will sustain you, if you relax and let it happen.  If you live in the moment, you cannot get lost.  If you are not going anywhere, you don't have to worry about not getting there.

I released my fears, opened my heart, and relaxed.  My frenzied thrashing stopped, and for a brief while I knew what it was to simply exist, floating the middle of the all-sustaining void, with no needs or fears.  I will try and carry this peace and perspective with me into my life.

I thanked the jellies for the teaching, and returned to the beach.  In a later post, I will tell about the rest of my journey, and my meeting with the Green Master.

Healing the itchies

Well, its been a while since I posted.  Life has a way of getting very complex!  I am trying to get back on my path, and take some time again for personal growth

Last week, Athena got a very bad case of itchy bug bites, possibly chiggers.  I got a few, but she got a lot and the itching was driving her crazy.  She asked me to use Reiki to help.  I gave it a try, and asked for help from Oak and Spider in getting the poison out of her.  I felt them help; Oak seemed to have an affinity with the malady and was able to counter some of the irritation, and Spider cast her web to try and catch the poison and drag it out.  I also set up a circular circuit of energy into her ankle and back out into my hand, where I could catch and hold it it briefly and then dispose of it.  Athena reported an intense feeling of energy, and I just pulled as hard as I could.  I felt a lot of bad energy come out, cold and tingly.  She said that it felt much more comfortable, and it continued to improve over the next several days.

Melanomas - yuck

Athena's horse Hep has a lot of melanomas.  They are common with grey horses; they are not like human melanomas.  They are swollen hard lumps varying from dime- to quarter-sized.  They proliferate across the skin, but generally don't invade organs.  They are considered inoperable: if you remove them, they come back faster and bigger.  Received wisdom is that they are largely harmless and there is nothing you can do about them.  Hep's are all over his rear and sheath, and almost certainly up into his colon.
Athena has just started a new herbal supplement specifically for melanomas.   She asked me to use Reiki to get a feel for how the melanomas have spread, and to encourage them to break up.

Hep was very jittery about letting energy into that area, and kept moving around -- his usual thing.  He settled some after a minute and I concentrated on really soaking the energy into and around the melanomas.  After a few minutes, I really made contact -- I could sense them all through is lower gut.  As I poured energy into them and pushed at them, I could really feel them -- like big lumps all over my arms.  I didn't let them move up past my forearms, but just used the opening to really hit them with energy and told them to break up.  I also asked Hep to tell them to go away and reject them.  In a moment I felt a huge wave of heat move through the area, and I think the melanomas responded.  I don't expect them to just drop off, but hopefully they will start to gradually shrink.

When I felt them on my arms, I considered trying to 'draw' them out of Hep into myself where I could cast them away, something I have done in the past with aches and pains.  But I could tell that they were much to strong for this, and that if I really pulled them into me I could be in danger.  So I set firm limits on what I would allow into me, accepting the awareness of them but refusing any essense or tainted energy.  Instead, I kept the focus of pushing healing energy out, and sending the melanomas away.

Time will tell if the supplements and/or the Reiki will help him.  We will keep working!

Naiads of Eureka Springs

In Eureka Springs, Athena and spent a day walking to visit all the springs in the town.  Many of them had been recently cleaned and relandscaped by the new city gardener (who is a genius and an artist; whatever they pay him it isn't enough!).  But we also wanted to see some of the lesser-known springs.  It delighted me how each spring has its own very distinct character and appearance, they were all quite different from each other.

Some that stick in my mind:

Laundry Spring, so called because it was the place where all the residents did their laundry.  It used to be called Onyx Spring, until tourists carried off all of the onyx :).   This spring is a small cave carved into the rock, a rectangular door that lets you see into a still pool full of clear water.  I reached out to see if the spring had a spirit, and was answered by a charming female spirit.  She said that she used to be very busy, when this was a social center of the town and was always full of housewives gossiping and children playing. She enjoyed this, but she is happy now that she is just a quiet spring on a smaller road. It is quieter now, and she finds it more restful, but she still takes an interest in the people who live on the road and follows their lives. She was very friendly, quiet and centered, secure in herself.  After asking permission, I dipped my fingers in her water and touched them to my lips, offering and accepting grace.

Little Saucer Spring, at Little Lake Eureka. To get to this spring, we had to walk down a path past several "No Trespassing Private Property" signs. Local residents assured us that the spring was public, as was the path to it, but that the owner of the lake kept putting up signs trying to scare people away. He has even set up his own private party place at the spring, with tiki torches and a grill. Perhaps as a result of this, the spring did not feel welcoming (unlike all the other springs). The spirit there felt standoffish, masculine, and somewhat resentful of our presence. Also, the water from the spring is caught in Little Lake Eureka (more like a large pond). One of the delights of all the springs, streams, and other water in the Eureka Springs area is that it is so clear and pure looking, always sparkling and bright even after heavy rains. But the water of Little Lake Eureka was dark, sluggish, and full of algae; it felt hostile and sickly. I wasn't even tempted to touch the water. We left there quickly.

Magnetic Spring. This is on the side of the road a short way out from town. It used to be the main entrance to Eureka Springs, and was the first spring that travelers encountered, and was a major attraction. It is credited with many of the early healings. The road now is more like the back entrance, used only by people going to see the Passion Play; there is a nice pavilion next to it where groups can stop. The spirit here felt very masculine and boisterous. He was happy and welcoming. He said that he used to get a lot of traffic, and enjoyed the activity and the electricity of having so many excited people around. Although it is quieter now, he says that he still gets a charge from all the religious people that go by, and that he enjoys being part of it all. He was happy to have me touch his water, and that it was a pleasure to share his blessings with anyone who wished.

Walking Meditation

One of the exercises that Athena and I did on our vacation was walking meditation.  I had never done this before, and I feel like I got a lot out of it.  Basically, we walked slowly through the garden and back yard; placing our feet slowly (a la Tai Chi, maintaining our balance while slowly lifting and placing the feet, by conciously shifting weight to the supporting foot).  The objective was to be totally aware of the experience of walking: savoring the sensations of different types of surfaces, aware of our bodies and how they moved, and being conciously grounded and aware of how the earth supports us.

I found that focusing on being grounded and connected to the earth while I walked disoriented me, and made me loose balance :)  So instead, I focused on my balance and how the earth supported me at all times.  This was very steadying.

While I was walking, I deliberately chose different surfaces (concrete, flagstone, gravel, dirt, grass, gravel, etc).  I tried to feel every nuance, and not to avoid or reject uncomfortable (even slightly painful) sensations.  As I did this, trying to accept and learn from everything that the earth had to offer, I got a strange feeling: that the sensations I felt as I walked were the voice of the earth, speaking to the soles of my feet.  Not in words, but it was like the changing interplay of hard/soft/sharp/round was like listening to the voice of a loving parent, when you can't understand the words but can only follow the music of their voice.  And I thought, "How toneless and dull this voice would sound, if there were no highs and lows!  If there were no sharp consonants to punctuate the rolling vowels, it would not be half so lovely to hear.  I am so happy to feel the rich, varied voice of the earth!"

The Dog Thing

During our vacation in Eureka Springs, Athena had a number of encounters with dogs. Walking down the streets, or meeting people, over and over again dogs would come right up to her and greet her or ask to be petted. This is unusual. Athena is usually cautious about strange dogs. I like to meet new dogs, and the usually come up to me first; but this week they went straight for Athena, and had no interest in me. On at least two occasions, a dog avoided me and walked around me just to get to her and say hi. This kept happening all week. Athena finally asked me to ask if this meant something.

At the end of my spirit journey (after my encounter with Tiger) I just sat down and communed with my guides. Then I asked them about the way that dogs kept seeking Athena out this week, and was there a message here? Could I be told, or was it private?

They responded that yes, there was a meaning. The dogs were trying to pass a message to Athena, which she had been unable to receive. The dogs had been asked to convey the message to her. It was not appropriate for them to reveal the contents of the message to me; they just said that the message was about change. I also got a slight impression of water about the message; but since water is Athena’s personal symbol of change, I think that it was just reinforcing the meaning. My guides said that Athena would receive the message, but that it would probably be unconsciously and she would not be aware of it.

I remain very puzzled and curious about this!

Tiger’s Breath

Near the end of our vacation in Eureka Springs, I took a spirit journey. 

I floated in the big Jacuzzi tub on the back porch, while a gorgeous full moon rose through the trees, and found my path from the sea to the forest. There was a full moon there too, shining on my right. I thought that the sun should be up too, and there it was on my left. The rays of the sun were warm and bright, but cast harsh, black shadows just like the moon; the path was interlaced with gold and silver light and black shadows. I wondered what this meant, and then knew that it was telling me that both sets of shadows were just illusions, and that the solid truth lay unchanging beneath all of them.

The path wound through the trees, and led me to the clearing.  I entered and stood in the grass, beneath the Oak tree, and just asked for any insight or guidance that might be given me; I practiced the exercises that the Reiki therapist showed me to open my heart and let whatever was offered flow in without passing judgment (see my previous post Opening the Heart). 

I felt the presence of Oak, Spider, and Bird around me, but they didn’t offer anything right away. Instead, I saw a new and somewhat daunting being emerged from the trees opposite and walked towards me. It was a very large Tiger, glowing gold and black, in a nimbus of gold and white light. He said that he was not to be my guide, but that he had come to deliver something to me, as a favor. (I was relieved; he was much too wild and powerful for me to feel very comfortable with him :)

I indicated my willingness to accept what he offered, and tried to open my heart to receive (not without some trepidation). The Tiger then breathed out a great mist of pearly white, with a pinky (or sometimes golden) cast to it. The mist enfolded me, and I just worked to stay open and try to just drink it in and accept it unconditionally. After a moment he stopped, and the remaining mist vanished. I said that I appreciated the gift, but that I didn’t know what it was. He said that when I was ready to accept it, I would know what it was, not to be impatient. 

I thanked him again, and asked what I could do to show my gratitude. He said that he would be satisfied if I would just show kindness to his little cousins, the cats. The day before, a neighborhood cat had come begging for treats when we were cooking; Athena convinced me to give him some chicken and some milk. I had done so, but with protests about how we shouldn’t. Tiger indicated that I should have been more generous hearted and given freely without protest. I said that I would try and do so in the future, and he walked back into the forest.

Dream

 After my long treatment of energy work and intuitive healing, the therapist said to pay attention to my dreams for the next few days, they may be significant.   Two days later I had this dream.

I was living in a house with several people, adults and children (I was not myself, nor were any of the people real people). We were going about our normal lives, work and school. But there was someone trying to harm us; we never saw him directly, but he sent his minions occasionally to break into our house and break or steal things, or to threaten us. This was really a minor annoyance; we just sidestepped them or cleaned up after them. There was nothing he could do that would really hurt us. At one point he tried to kidnap my young daughter, but they let her go as soon as I insisted, and she was not ever fazed by the experience. I could sense our enemy becoming more and more frustrated and frantic with the desire to hurt us.

Finally our enemy broke into the house himself during a party, for what he expected to be the final confrontation with me. But when we saw each other, we immediately recognized each other as previously unknown brothers, separated since birth. He came to me and we embraced. We agreed to try and work together and help each other. We both knew this would be difficult at times; he has a large load of resentment about his life, and was full of anger and loneliness. I on the other hand was full of pride and self-satisfaction. We knew we would have to learn from each other.
_____________________________

 Athena and I talked over this dream the next day. I am not entirely sure what it represents, but Athena suggests that it is about my rational, skeptical mind fighting my intuitive, healing spirit. She points out all the times that I don’t use Reiki, when it would be natural to do so; that I don’t seem to think of it until she suggests it. There is a part of me that doesn’t want to believe in my gifts, that wants me to be ‘normal’ and appear ordinary. 

Opening the Heart

On our ES vacation, Athena and I spent some time working together on some spiritual goals. One night, we did some meditation exercises together, from the book “Inner Reiki”. They revealed something that neither of us had quite realized: I am very easy about giving, but it difficult for me to receive. We talked over this over the next day or two, and it is illuminating about many things in our life together.

The next day, I had an appointment at Healthworks, for a ‘Journey’, which is a 1.5 hour session of light massage, aromatherapy, and energy work (Reiki, cranial-sacral work, and other modalities) with a wonderfully talented massage therapist who is very skilled with energy work and intuitive healing. It was wonderful! But when she hit my heart chakra, she surprised me my saying that I have a lot of shields around my heart. We talked, and decided that the shields are what are stopping me from being able to receive. She said that she understood, that she also found giving very easy and receiving hard.

She worked with me to open up my heart. She placed her hand on my back on the heart chakra, and told me to feel it, and sense the edges of her hand. Then she said to enlarge the area, and try and feel her hand ½ an inch further out; then 2 inches further out. It took some effort, but it did open up noticeably. I will have to keep working on it.

She Who Delights in Dance

Athena and I just returned from out vacation to Eureka Springs!  I have a lot to report, so I will be posting about it for the next few days.

One rainy day Athena and I saw a strange bird in the garden of a hotel. It was all fluffed up and sparkling with water drops, and looked like a gray speckled snowball with a long thin straight blue-gray tail. It walked around a little, and let us get fairly close before moving off. I opened a heart connection to it and said ‘hi’, and it immediately stopped and turned around and walked back towards us a little. We asked it what it was doing walking around in a public garden near the path, didn’t it think that someone might hurt it? She responded “This is my place. I walk around here whenever I want! And if someone tries to stop me they will get a good peck!” We asked her what type of bird she was, but get no response; it was raining so we left.

A friend suggested that she may have been a roadrunner. She didn’t look anything like the roadrunners we knew, that are sleek, skinny, red-brown birds that never get close to people.

A few days later we were back at the same park, and there she was again! This time she was dry, and she was indeed a roadrunner. But a different species than the ones we knew, since she had a variegated gray back and white belly. She was quite pretty, and just as bold as ever. She would not come up to us, but we could get within 4 feet of her before she would back off. She was busy catching grubs; she would turn her head, listen intently, then hop and snatch a grub right out of the ground and swallow it. 

I spoke to her a bit more. She was interested, and we had a good conversation while she hunted. She said that of course she was a roadrunner, wasn’t it obvious? And yes, she thought that she was rather attractive. We asked if she had any babies, she said not now, they were all fledged and off on their own. 

I asked what her name was. She said she didn’t really have a name, but would like one. Maybe something to do with her gracefulness? She said that she was an exceptionally graceful and elegant dancer, that that was her special skill. She loved to dance, especially in the moonlight. Sometimes a male would see her and would of course be immediately captivated by her grace and beauty. If he danced with her, and showed enough talent himself, then they might get together; that way she insured that all her chicks were beautiful dancers also.

We suggested the name “Grace”, which she accepted, but she thought that maybe something fancier would be nice; she picked up from me a thought about the muse of dance, and said that if I would find the name of the muse of dance and gift her with it, then she would be delighted. I said that I would look it up as soon as I could.

She consented to pose for a few pictures, and quite liked the idea and the attention, although she kept fluffing up with excitement which made it difficult to catch a good one. About this time some other couples walked by and saw her, and wanted to take pictures too. Grace was pleased about this and posed for them a bit; but after a small group gathered it got to be too much for her and she hopped away and hid under the building. 

Near the end of our stay, after I had gone on a spirit journey in the big jaccuzi tub on the back porch, I was cooling off and watching the full moon over trees of our private back yard. I sent out my heart and spoke to Grace, telling her that I had looked up the muse of dance, and her name was Terpsichore, which mean “She who delights in dance.” Grace loved the name and the meaning, but said that Terpsichore was a bit too fancy for daily use, so she would stay Grace (or Gracie) and save Terpsichore for special occasions. 

Still kind of buzzing from my spirit journey, I asked her if she would dance for me. She was several miles away, of course, but said that she would be happy to and I could share it with her in spirit. She danced, and she was a song of grace and delight. She asked me to dance with her, so I got up and danced on the porch while she danced in her garden; it was delightful. I called Athena to come out, and she watched while I danced a bit more. I tried to let go of my self-conciousness and let the dance flow, and it was a lot of fun.

I thanked her very much for sharing her dance with me. My friendship with her was a highlight of my vacation; it is very special, and she is a very special creature.

A checkin with Hephaestus

Athena asked me to do a good thorough checkup on our horse Hephaestus, since he has been getting a lot of attitude recently and been very squirmy and dont-touch-me.  The problem with Hep is that whenever I ask him what is going on, he just says "What? I don't know. I feel fine.".  Her suggestion was to NOT ask him the explain or describe anything, but just to do a good Reiki overall check and see if his body could tell me anything.

He has good strong energy that moves pretty well.  The first signal I got was over his flanks and rear end: kind of itchy and twitchy feeling.  It was not in his digestive system (which felt fine).  I finally narrowed it down to his private areas and his rear.  He is due for a sheath cleaning anyway (oh joy) so maybe this will help him feel better; but I suspect that his melanomas are part of the problem.  He has them all over that area, and received wisdom is that they are inoperable but harmless.  But they surely don't feel good.

His legs also feel vaugely achy.  Not the joints, but the long bones and muscles.  A little like when you get the aches from the flu?  Thats one reason he keeps shifting his weight and stretching out his legs, it feels better.

So no real answer.  We are trying to decide what supplements to give him next, hopefully something will help him feel better.

An intense journey

 Things have been rough at work last week, when I was home sick with the stomach flu.  A number of layoffs, revelations of some stupid management decisions in the past, loss of some big accounts.  My job itself is not in danger, unless the company collapses but there is a lot of panic and worry going around.  Can the company pull out of this?  I think so, but it will be hard.

I decided that I needed to ask for some guidance, if there is anything I should do now about the situation.  Should I be looking for a new job?  Hunker down and ride it out? Working overtime?  Wait and see?  I am too worried and confused to decide, so I will take a spirit journey and see what my guides have to say.

It starts well, it is a cold clear night there, very dark but with a brilliant moon just past full.  Lots of very dark shadows and dazzling silver gleams.  On the way up the path through the woods, I become aware of a group of animals on the side of the path.  There a number of small animals, it is hard to make them out.  A badger? A bobcat? Plus squirrels, chipmunks, mice, assorted birds.  Also suggestions of a human figure, in a feathered costume.  Maybe a bear in the background.   They are all in the dark, with just glimmers visible.  

I stop to talk with them, and ask them if there is anything I need to do for them.  I was just reading of someone else's journey, where they negotiated about an offering.  Should I be making any particular offerings?  They respond that each person finds the way that works best for them, that there are many paths and modes of relating to the spirit world.  Some people find a traditional framework of offerings or rituals beneficial or even essential, but for others this would not work.  I should just listen to my heart to see if there is anything I need to do.  However, not that I mention it, I HAD made a promise to the Greenman several months ago to get a plaque and hang it at the barn, in gratitude for his help.  I still have not done this.  They explain that it is not that anyone is angry or hurt about this, but that it is an unfulfilled promise and that it will burden me and interfere with my progress.  I recommit to obtaining the plaque soon, and they allow me to move on.

When I arrive at the meadow, the Tree is there close by.  He immediately reaches down a large knarled hand and clasps my hand, in a very firm and reassuring grip.  He pours lots of comfort and energy into me; I relax and let the fear drain out and let the healing energy fill me.  I feel very comforted and loved.  I spend several minutes just soaking in this, letting it heal me and wash out negative energy.

Then I ask the Tree, and anyone else who is listening, if there is anything I should do about my work situation.  Spider responds by giving me a blast of energy, that makes me feel light and happy, enlarged and powerful, but my feet remain planted in the earth.  I gather that this means that I can stay where I am, that the situation will be healed and we will grow and prosper again.    Part of me is suspicious because this is what I really wanted to hear; am I deluding myself or is this really what me guides advise me?

Spider, perhaps a little out of patience with my doubts, then turns to me.  She is about as big as a hippopatamus, broad and massive.  She bites me hard right in my stomach!  She holds on and chews for a minute.  It hurts, but not unbearably.  It feels however like it is kindly meant.  From her jaws flows into me a huge wave of tingling energy.  I feel myself swell like a glowing balloon, until I am bigger that the entire clearing and I cannot see my feet.  But I feel very excited and happy, and full of power.  I can feel the enegy building up in me; I put out my hands and it pours out through my hands as a white light.

Spider says that this means that I have the power in myself to turn the situation at work; I have a gift for programming and can help to motivate the others if neccessary.  That I can make a success of whatever job I am in; I can stay where I am and make it work, or if I choose I can find a new place at make a success there.  That I am free to choose, but I don't need to worry too much about the future of the company.
I leave them with many thanks, and return. 

It was not exactly a comfortable journey, but I did find out what I needed.